Well here i am again at 4.30 in the morning and i can't sleep yet again!! My husband Darryl has terminal small cell cancer and, at the moment is going through a really good phase. Which, i would have thought, would set my mind at rest and enable me to sleep. But no, here i am again having had 2 hrs sleep tonight wide awake with mad thoughts running around my head!! This is driving me crazy and i just seem to be on auto pilot all the time. Darryl is 44 years old and we have been given a prognosis of a 2-3 year life span for him. I can't seem to let go of this thought, and maybe part of me can't sleep because of that, as i feel if i'm asleep i'm wasteing precious time!! Darryl is sound asleep and resting well, and if i stay upstairs next to him listening to his breathing, i keep thinking is this the last time i'll ever hear that and end up getting so uptight and worried that i find it better to just get up again. So i wander round the house do a few chores, have a hot caffiene free drink and will myself to sleep all to no avail i might add!! hahaha surely i'm not the only carer who never sleeps, or am i????? any comments gratefully recieved. Take care my friends and hope your all sleeping well. love and hugs mel xxx
OOhh pigginheck its 1.20 am and i missed the moon, Mellymoo you are just gorgeous, everything you write I think ahhhh shes a doll,ive tried reading back but I am soo tired so a lot doesnt sink in, this is getting a busy busy thread and I love it, its all down to you babe people are just drawn to your loveliness, Daz musta thought hed won the lottery when he married you, what a lovely match you both make, Kirsty must be pineing for you so much, she will be back soon probably with her washing lol, when I was a kid things were tough and i used to lose myself in Enid Blyton books, you made them come true if that makes any sense? I will be there at 10pm tomorrow night stareing right at that moon made of cheese ha ha, in the garden by hook or by crook with my dog timmy by my side hee hee xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx for you melly xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Karen you too, you know you say the most loveliest things? hope we all can get to meet up one day? you could all come and holiday in Wales? i would give you all the biggest hugs cos you are sooo fab,what about that match hey, gotta be honest chick it was exciting hey? bet my nephew with the good taste was a hollering? I reckon all Liverpool fans should be given free health checks cos my heart was pounding,,, I said pounding,,,,,! lol Seriously it was good to focus on somethin for 90mins, telly, papers not much holds my attention lately I just stare thru em
how are you today? and hows our duracell bunny? hope she bit better, you sounded right down last night, sending you a massive hug sweetie xxxxxx
your surrogate nephew was hollering away, and could hear you from here lol, i hate to say it but good result for you though!!
i know the not concentrating on anything mate, your looking at tv but looking straight through it eh sweetie, not taking anything in, how are things your end?
Dearest Mother Hem Mel and Dearest Surrogate Karen
Your messages just made cry!! in a nice, emotional way. Your thoughts and support are so overwhelming it beggars beyond belief. I was ok today as I had to be for Michaela's sake it was her that became emotional as one nurse said they would move her to ward 10, I had already explained the situation so she said don't worry we have a side room off the to right behind the nurses station 'I know they f****n do as that is where Dad passed away'....she then realised mistake she made and apologised and surprising I kept my cool!! She is having her pet scan up there tomorrow at 10 am then they'll transfer her to start chemo in the afternoon, she wasn't in too good spirits today but I think that was only because of where she is for the night and the fact that I cant be with her for the scan tomorrow and we're not allowed to kiss or hug her for 10 hours after because of the radioactive gel she gets injected with. Her Dad (we don't get on all that well as he is now re-married) but he was in total denial about it all till things that were said today in realising how poorly Michaela is, like he said you can look on the internet and read the booklets you're given and the classis symptoms are all what Michaela has so why were'nt these test done sooner??!! Need to catch up a bit on posts, as not sleeping tonight, tried to earlier but too much on mind (sorry honey's as Im not the only one one here going through the mill)
Love you all lots and I mean that!! I really appreciate every word of support you all give and hope I return it double time as you are all so deserving of it!!
My dream...don't know if I believe in certain things as quite a sceptic but I got up at 7 this morning for the loo and when I got back into bed I starting dozing though had alarm clock on snooze (whatever that stupid word means) and I looked out bedroom door and someone I used to go to school with was walking into Michaelas bedroom so I got up came downstairs and there was a paper on the table that started opening and closing, then it came towards me and I couldnt push it away (strange and weird I know, phaps straight jacket needed!!) lol, anyway deep in my ear, which has been hurting all day, my Dad said (and this was in the voice he used to have before it changed) 'Remember that I will always love you and I'll be there' and then the phone rang which woke me up being the L & D saying they were moving Michaela. When I told mum I started crying and she said phaps its cos he knows!! but anyway gone on again as per norm, really am losing it aint I? Im reading allowed what and as Im typing.
Please let me know how Daryll gets on...do you have a mobile Mel, I've used all my mins this month on mine already but still have a few texts and it's likely that after the 1st few days I will just commute morning and evening by train it will depend on how Michaela is and for how long I can stay there, will p/m you no Karen and will look at the moon each night at 10pm (strange you saying that time Mel as that was the time Dad passed) but I thought that was a lovely idea!!
Sending lots and lots of love and hugs to both of you, love always (oh and frankie lampard!!) I bought his biography the other week from the pasque hospice charity shop, not read it yet just liked the piccy on the front!!)
what an emotional day youv'e had sweet, that stupid nurse with ward 10 aarrgghhhh, i can understand all the questions re why she not been moved sooner etc., hope our little girl is having a lovely sleep bless her. wow your dream, i totally believe thats your dad letting you know he will be with you both through everything, how comforting babe. how lovely of mel to suggest we all look at the moon at 10pm, and even stranger what that time means to you. hope you do manage to get some sleep babe, thinking of you the whole time, and still holding michaelas hand luv ya lots love and hugs karen xxxxx
How is our duracell bunny? think after all we all going through think it a great idea to all meet up!! Me and Karen can wear our Man U shirts (you best have one honey) though I not managed to get round to getting the latest one!! If Michaela well enough by then I will bring her but she'll be wearing a West Ham one...even bloody worse though not as bad as Mick and Kim's Blues... no doubt another slap due ha ha ;0)
Bet you've only just come down form the ceiling after the match and result!! Me and Karen are like that most weekends lol,
Love ya loads babe, love and hugs to all Teresa XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
where r u hun? is everything ok with our duracell bunny? am a bit worried now!!!!!!!!
it would be lovely for us all to meet up wouldnt it? me and teresa will be the ones with the best footy tops on lol, we will hide michaela behind us with the west ham shirt on lol, teresa lol, hee hee good one about results lol, we love you kate really hun, please let me know that all is well as am getting worried my sweet, love and hugs karen xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
teresa i sent the straight jacket to you hun, did u get it? lol am just watching that crusha advert, me and the kids love it with the cats at the gym, makes us laugh each time we see it lol hee hee just thought id tell you, dont know why, maybe i should have the straight jacket too lol xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Just p/m you... that advert really winds Michaela up (Im laughing now!!) think he gets to her as in the past we havent had much luck with cats, if they don't bugger off when I've paid the vet to 'get them done' they run across the road get run over, find their way home, cost me a fortune in vet bills and then P off and never return, mind you ollie the last one we had was more frightened off by Maddie and Mollie!! Have you got cats as well?
Advert that makes me laugh is the mars one where the monks are doing the bell ringing!! Im sending you back the straight jacket as it taking me too long to type lol!!
u dont have much luck with cats do u hun? lol, no we dont have any, will is not a lover of cats, oooher that came out wrong lol, i like that other advert too and the one with the scared dog and the loud dog, do u know what one i mean lol, cant put this straight jacket on either babe, cant have a fag lol
