Well here i am again at 4.30 in the morning and i can't sleep yet again!! My husband Darryl has terminal small cell cancer and, at the moment is going through a really good phase. Which, i would have thought, would set my mind at rest and enable me to sleep. But no, here i am again having had 2 hrs sleep tonight wide awake with mad thoughts running around my head!! This is driving me crazy and i just seem to be on auto pilot all the time. Darryl is 44 years old and we have been given a prognosis of a 2-3 year life span for him. I can't seem to let go of this thought, and maybe part of me can't sleep because of that, as i feel if i'm asleep i'm wasteing precious time!! Darryl is sound asleep and resting well, and if i stay upstairs next to him listening to his breathing, i keep thinking is this the last time i'll ever hear that and end up getting so uptight and worried that i find it better to just get up again. So i wander round the house do a few chores, have a hot caffiene free drink and will myself to sleep all to no avail i might add!! hahaha surely i'm not the only carer who never sleeps, or am i????? any comments gratefully recieved. Take care my friends and hope your all sleeping well. love and hugs mel xxx
you can post on any thread hunni, it dont matter if your'e a carer or a patient, we will try and support you all we can, and of course there are other threads too you can post on for support for your specific questions, you are very welcome to come here whenever you want to. so sorry for everything your'e going through and that your feeling so down and emotional my heart goes out to you. i cant pretend to know how you feel but i am a good listener hunni. i hope you manage to get the support and help you need on this site. hope to speak very soon take care and lots of love and hugs to you love karen xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
your poor kirsty bless her with the stitches etc., youv'e had a hard week already and its only weds, hope you have a good relaxing evening and have a good sleep tonight, before your busy day tomoz. i laughed at you embarassing kirsty, i always end up doing that to the boys poor things eh? i cant keep me mouth shut either hunni lol, thats what mums do eh? lol
sorry your still not feeling very good, hope you get sorted very soon and start to feel much better, we cant have our mama hen feeling yucky!!
good luck for tomoz will be thinking about you and darryl
sleep well hunni lots of love and hugs your chickie karen xxxxx
have posted you both earlier today but wanted to send my love to you both and hope your both bearing up....... and hope our michaela and our duracell bunny are bit better today xx thinking about you all love and hugs chickie karen xxxxx
I'm so sorry sweetie that you are feeling so bad and really hope that you continue to post as this thread is not just exclusively for carers it's for everyone!!!! I really hope i can help you as hate to hear people having such a bad time. I can't pretend how you feel about yourself or how you feel aabout your appearence but i do care and love you so very much and will always be here for you babes.
Just because most of us on here are, or were carers that doesn't mean you can't be here with us. Plus it gives us some insight as to how you all feel suffering from this awful disease, which in turn helps us to understand and help our loved ones! So you are doing us a favour too babe! It works both ways eh?
I really do respect your wish to leave for a while but i truly hope you will come back and take some comfort and support from us here as all of us do care about you very much!
I'm always here for you till the end of time and i'm not easy to get rid of so i warn you i may not let you go that easily! lol
You really are a asset to this thread so please don't leave as we need you as much as you need us!!
I'll promote you to queen hen if it makes you stay and feel better???? lol
Honestly babes i understand if you wish to leave for a while but i truely hope you don't as you are a much cherished member of my little chickies and mother hen will be so sad to loose one of her chicks!
I hope you may reconsider and maybe in a few days you may feel better and come back to us, we will still be here waiting for you to come back to the fold.
You take care babe and please try to come back as you will really be missed and we really do need you love and hugs mother hen mel xxxxxxxxxxx
Dear Teresa, am thinking of you and Michaela so much and wishing she could start her treatment so quickly and get it all over soon....
Dear Karen, thank you for your note, yes, it's hard trying to elevate 'me hoof', you are so right, zilch gets done....think everyone thinks it does it by magic, haha
Dear Mama Hen Mel, I remember Filgrastim injections, Caz got taught how to do them herself and spent an hour on the phone in a flat spin, first to me and then to her specialist nurse the first time...she got so quick in the end....I hope all your family, at home and on here, behave for you now, you could do with putting your feet up too!
Dearest Mother Hen Mel, how are you feeling? and how is Daryll? sorry to hear of everything that been going on the last few days, hope he is feeling better and glad you got your tests done, let us know how you get on ok? Bless you missing Kirsty but am sure the next 3 weeks will fly by, I think mums never grow out of making sure their 'babes' eat well, my mum still checks up on me as Im only a tiny thing, in the ambulance going to Mt Vernon today) yes!! she's been moved but more to it (tell you in a min) the parademic in the back with us said I tiny I looked and that he'd like to take my photo as I had strong features, Michaela said 'yeah a big nose!!' saucy cow, I knew she'd milk this as I being so lenient with her now (only joking!!!)
Anyway Michaela was transferred at 2pm today was a bit emotional when we got there given the circumstances with Dad as they took her past the same ward etc, Dr's up there had no notes etc and seem quite flabberghasted that she had been sent there for treatment as she has Stage IV and is very poorly, they are doing a pet scan tomorrow at 10am then transferring her again to UCHL in Euston, London on to a ward that looks after 14-18 year olds, they are going to give her 2 x 28-day courses starting tomorrow (1st-5th day on chemo then 8th-15th day back on) though they've not said what exactly yet till they have done their own scans but they did mention ChIVPP?? when she was examined they noticed that her liver has now become enlarged and when prodded about that caused her some pain so they are going to investigate that further, there's also a high chance that the treatment will make her infertile but we wont no that till later on, I asked if they could store her eggs etc for future use but they said that procedure takes between 2-6 weeks and they havent got that time to waste in starting Michaela's treatment, her blood pressure has also started to decrease more that's why they want her transferred as well as UCHL specialise in this type of b*****d disease more than any other types, we've a long haul ahead but we'll get there, her Dad came up there this evening and we said on the way home that we scared that it has now gone to her liver which is phaps why they said about the radiotherapy but will no more tomorrow or friday hopefully.
I hope all goes well with Daryll's appointment tomorow, please let me know, Im allowed to stay with Michaela at UCHL but instead of a lodge (which was lovely at Mt Vernon) it will be on a camp bed next to her bed but at least then I can hold her hand while we're sleeping so I might not be about for a while though she will have a computer and plasma tv in her room!! think I'll stay there for the duration.
Its taken me so long to type this so think just quickie messages to fellow chickies!! keep me posted on how you and Daryll get on, see you're starting on the footy digs now, doesnt bother me and Karen at all does it babe...we know where we stand, whats the opposite of bottom lol??
Sending lots of love and hugs to you, Daryll, Daley and Kirsty, love always Teresa XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
How are you today, hope feeling better? and that your boys and hubby are ok?
Well poorly Michaela was transferred today to Mt Vernon but they are transferring her again tomorrow to UCHL in London as they need to start chemo ASAP and she'll be amongst her own age group (14-18 year olds) plus they specialise more in the type and staging that she has (stage IV!!) b******d disease, her Dad got wound up tonight asking why they had kept her at the L & D for over 3 weeks and why the scans and bone marrow weren't done sooner as it now seems she could have problems with her liver but will no more tomorrow or friday hopefully.
Anyway honey, hope tomorrow's training goes well (I notice even Mother Hen Mel is chucking in the footy digs now!!) Take care babe, sending lots of love and hugs to all (frankie lampard and yeah I could go with becks as well!! did that sound a bit sordid??) Love always Teresa XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
I wish I could say something soothing and supportive, I am so sorry that things for Michaele are not quite so straight forewards. I do believe that transferring her to a specialist unit although difficult for you will in the long term be in her best interests.
You sound so strong and 'together' today, I hope this is so and continues as your strenght and composure will help her, and in return she will help you to get through this difficult sitution.
I am thinking of you both and am sending you inner peace and strenght to help you get through this.
