Well here i am again at 4.30 in the morning and i can't sleep yet again!! My husband Darryl has terminal small cell cancer and, at the moment is going through a really good phase. Which, i would have thought, would set my mind at rest and enable me to sleep. But no, here i am again having had 2 hrs sleep tonight wide awake with mad thoughts running around my head!! This is driving me crazy and i just seem to be on auto pilot all the time. Darryl is 44 years old and we have been given a prognosis of a 2-3 year life span for him. I can't seem to let go of this thought, and maybe part of me can't sleep because of that, as i feel if i'm asleep i'm wasteing precious time!! Darryl is sound asleep and resting well, and if i stay upstairs next to him listening to his breathing, i keep thinking is this the last time i'll ever hear that and end up getting so uptight and worried that i find it better to just get up again. So i wander round the house do a few chores, have a hot caffiene free drink and will myself to sleep all to no avail i might add!! hahaha surely i'm not the only carer who never sleeps, or am i????? any comments gratefully recieved. Take care my friends and hope your all sleeping well. love and hugs mel xxx
Sorry our duracell bunny is out off sorts today, I hope she picks up again soon and sorry that she couldnt watch the footy she'd have had a lot of cheering to do!! Bloody Liverpool, must admit that I was gunning for Arsenal as that was Dad's team but ya done well, think the ref was a Liverpool fan!!! penalty my arse!!
Thanks for your big hug for Michaela last night, can't pass them on in person yet as its difficult to hug her at mo what with all the garb we have to wear, I feel like a surgeon when Im all 'suited and booted'!! We're now just waiting for a bed to come available at Mt Vernon for her then things will get started treatment wise and my poor babe is going to lose her hair and sounds like we're in for a few tough months.
Well honey you must be on a high tonight and downing a few coffees!! with your team getting to semi-final.
Sending you lots of love and hugs to you, your mum and dad too, how is he? Love always Teresa XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Hey chikkies Karen and Kim, thankyou so much for your messages,
Karen you are def a mini mellymoo appear like an angel with all the right words, didnt know your mum was a passionate liverpool fan babe, like you said bless em hey? I reckon they would of got on big time, not on long tonight, realised have to sleep when mum does, sure tomorrow will be a better day all round, and things will be a whole lot brighter yay, love ya xxxxxxxxxxxxx
Kim, thankyou for your gorgeous message, brought a tear to my eyes i reckon your kids are very lucky to have such a wonderful mum
How are you today honey, and your boys and Wills? Hows that infection of yours, hope you starting to feel better.
What did you think to the footy?? penalty my arse!! think that ref was a Liverpool fan or he'd been given a back-hander as that's when it all went downhill, he should have been given a proper back-hander!! Kates no doubt having a few celebratory coffees, they might have got to the semi's but can't remember exactly where they are in the league, they aint top are they???!!!! lol
Well we now playing a waiting game again waiting for a bed for Michaela at Mt Vernon, saw the Professor and Dr today who explained about her treatment, she going to be given a 2 week course of chemo then dependant on how her body handles it will determine how much more she'll be given but he is looking at between 6-9 months in total and the type she'll be given will mean her losing her hair, my baby's got beautiful hair but like I said to her its a small price to pay for her to get back to normal health!! Got a bit upset when I came out of there as I was given the 'purple plastic folder' which puts you in that group of those suffering this bastard disease!!
I'd asked mum to come with me today when I saw the Dr etc so she was going to finish work at 2pm but she ended up not going in, she say's the strain of all has now finally caught up with her so Im going to send her an even bigger bunch of flowers now as she there with me all the way and I want to cheer her up a bit.
Anyway honey hope you ok, sending you all lots of love and hugs (now adding Frankie Lampard to me ending as he really is easy on the eye!! I'd even eradicate Westlife for him, Michaela's godfather is the spit of him but he's married lol)!!
Love always Teresa XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Michaelas hair will be back in no time at all, tell her to think of it all being new hair and how she can keep it in tip top condition all over, can picture you in all the gear ha ha , We are all gonna be here for you both in the months ahead, love you babe
ive been a good girl all night, not a single coffee has passed my lips, need my wits about me if you get my drift, Dad, thanks for asking little tearful tonight, which is good i suppose cos he usually holds it all in, not like me hey ! I spill, ooh and brother has passed 1st lot of tests, i truly reckon his probs are stress related, his job is sooo stressful
mind you reckon our roosters back at the coffee shop, bless him hes had a rough day,
Mother Mellymoo we are versus each other in the semis ooohheeer, but essie doodles wont be there- bad boy ha ha Bushed feathered friends
Going to have to stick with Mother hen melly in the semi's as have to support them also for James - sorry honey!!
Glad your Dad had a few tears (if that makes sense) as it good to get things out, hope that makes sense and pleased to hear about your brother, I had a few tears today at the prospect of Michaela losing her hair and how poorly she's likely to get but we'll get through it and thankyou for saying you'll be there in the months ahead, once she's transferred I wont be on much as Im allowed to stay up there 'in the hostel' but not sure for how long. She did have a cry tonight but she also had a laugh, her consultant from Mt Vernon is about 40ish and has a huge beard and when you talk to him that's all you end up looking at, she lost the plot a bit thinking there was a very tiny man inside it bless her, she must get her madness from her mother....think I def need to borrow that jacket!!
Anyway babe, sending you, duracell bunny and your Dad lots of love and hugs, hope you get a good nights sleep. Love always Teresa XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
so hope that our duracell bunny is bit better today, and that you feel a bit brighter my hunni. this disease and everything our loved ones have to go through is bloody shit, you are doing a fantastic job with your mum !!!!!! make sure you get your sleep when your mum does as its all totally exhausting for you all, thinking about you all babe.
now the footy........... yes teresa ref def getting a back hander i reckon, penalty??????????? (sorry mum, sorry kate!) lol, mum wouldnt mind we used to have great banter just like all of us here, but who is liverpool again?????? oh yeah a place in england lol hee hee! i do love ya really hunni kate lol
hope to hear your mum is bit better bless her heart. our mums def would have got on eh? jumping about over the footy............ when england played and they missed goals, mum used to shout crouch you lanky streak of p---, and rooney you cant score with your tree trunk legs, ha ha she used to get so mad with them, bless her!! she was so hilarious.
anyway babe, speak very soon, love ya, and sending loads a love, hugs, and david beckham covered in choccy!! yummy love chickie karen xxxxxx
this must all be so hard and such a strain for you all, your poor mum must be really feeling it bless her, i think a bigger bunch of flowers is def in order, what a lovely thought of yours, i bet the flowers will be much appreciated.
i hope our michaelas treatment starts soon, my heart goes out to her with everything she will be going through, i will be holding her hand the whole way through it, and your dad will def be holding her through everything. its so sad about her hair bless her, but it will grow back even more lovlier. teresa i remember when mum had chemo and they told her she would lose her hair she really cried, as more than everything that was going on it was losing her hair that she was most upset about, it has to be a female thing doesnt it? but her hair grew back very quick and more beautiful, so please tell michaela she will look even more beautiful than she is now!! and as we used to say to mum your health is far more important than your hair. i should imagine you just want treatment to start now, hope they get her a bed very very soon. hope she is feeling bit better in herself, and still in good spirits. give her a light hug from me as not to hurt her.
loved your take on the footy, and yes i agree with you .................. ref def got a back hander there eh? and where who is liverpool again? oh yeah a place in england (sorry mum, sory kate) lol hee hee
got training tomoz, so will have to try and get to sleep early tonight, if not i will be asleep in the corner somewhere lol
hope today is better for our little michaela xx
luv ya babe, sending tons of love, hugs, i'm adding david beckham in choccy!! lol yummy.............i said yummy!!
