Well here i am again at 4.30 in the morning and i can't sleep yet again!! My husband Darryl has terminal small cell cancer and, at the moment is going through a really good phase. Which, i would have thought, would set my mind at rest and enable me to sleep. But no, here i am again having had 2 hrs sleep tonight wide awake with mad thoughts running around my head!! This is driving me crazy and i just seem to be on auto pilot all the time. Darryl is 44 years old and we have been given a prognosis of a 2-3 year life span for him. I can't seem to let go of this thought, and maybe part of me can't sleep because of that, as i feel if i'm asleep i'm wasteing precious time!! Darryl is sound asleep and resting well, and if i stay upstairs next to him listening to his breathing, i keep thinking is this the last time i'll ever hear that and end up getting so uptight and worried that i find it better to just get up again. So i wander round the house do a few chores, have a hot caffiene free drink and will myself to sleep all to no avail i might add!! hahaha surely i'm not the only carer who never sleeps, or am i????? any comments gratefully recieved. Take care my friends and hope your all sleeping well. love and hugs mel xxx
How you feeling honey? Have appointment tomorrow to see the specialist and Professor Hoskins from Mt Vernon to tell us more with regards to Michaelas cancer staging and the treatment involved and to ask if I can stay up there for the duration, I've asked my Mum to come with me but her Dad also wants to come along which makes me feel bad towards Mum as she is closer to Michaela than her Dad is, he not been around for years now he's concerned!! don't mean that in a nasty way at all it's just so frustating and I'm just trying to keep things going smoothly for all of them and for the sake of Michaela, was nice going back this afternoon as it was just me and her and although not able to hug her I sat on her bed holding her hand and it was quite emotional.
Think by the time this week is over there'll be no anti-wrinkle serum cream left!! Thanks for sending the other straight jacket, definately need it!!
Hows the training going and how are your boys and Will?? sending you buckets full of love and hugs Teresa XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
I was on a mission to give up the Friday before last but when the 1st Dr came in to ask me to wait for the specialist (thinking it was bad news as was) I sprinted over to the local shop to get some though I agree it is a terrible habit!! XXXX but not as terrible as supporting LIVERPOOL!!! sorry Kate, these digs will never stop XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Guess whos back Kateys back, well guys and dolls jees ive turned into jimmy saville ha ha, spent last 15 mins trying to catch up but couple of glasses and heres what sunk in....
Teresa babe..&. Michaela i loves you both, bring on her treatment yeah xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx you two gonna kick ass tough chikkies, love your humour trees, our baby gonna get through it Mellymoo back - yipee i so excited and I just cant hide it ...la la la .. xxxxx get yourself well missy xxxxx Friend ?you bets xxxxxxxx Karen, Barbados hey hey? favouritism mother mooey? just jestin love ya babe, man u coat on essie ... my a**e, liverpool yay !!wait till toms i so excited and i just cant hide it la la la Rooster Mick, setting your dog alight? Anne summers pants woooahhh easy tiger lol Moomy Helen, lurved sisters thingy, Juls told ya u was a sweetie, I will post for our Donna in a mo OOher anyone else pls forgive me only I is knackered Tough couple of days this end, duracell bunny haveing tough time, i spoke too soon folks,2 district nurses everyday, mac in the morning, gave me a slidy sheet today cos we cant lift her without pulling her arms outta her sockets, well you know how proud our lady is so had to joke about saying its just like camping, tent ground sheet porta pottie etc lifes sh**e, shes had more drugs than amy winehouse and pete docherty today sleeping hard now, so I is haveing a erm........ coffee Mick xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Buckets of lurrrvvve chikky Kate, I say chikky Kate xxxxxxx
i should imagine your quite nervous about meeting tomorrow, but at least the sooner you see him the sooner michaelas treatment can get started. i bet it was nice tonight just the two of you, but emotional also hun, very understandable xx i hope your able to stay at mt vernon for the duration, you should be able to shouldnt you? i can understand how you feel about michaelas dad, why should he be there when your mum and she are so close, and he hasnt been around. i would be the same hun as my 2 eldest boys are from my first marriage, its a hard situation eh?? may be ask michaela who she would rather have there, just a thought babe. i will be thinking about you for your meeting. please save me a little anti wrinkle cream, def need it lol
training is on thursday and tues then all done, just waiting for crb check to come back, taking ages probably digging up all the dirt on me hee hee lol
everyone fine here thanks hun
love and hugs, chickie karen xxxx (dont think much to french either hun) lol, sorry not ment to offend anyone xxxxxxxxxx
sorry our duracell bunny not too good bless her, hope she better in morning bless her, she has such a great sense of humour how lovely, and she sounds so strong, just like you her wonderful daughter!!!!! life is shite mate aint it? but she has you as her wonderful carer x
liverpool jacket?????????????? poor essie doodles, do they sell liverpool jackets???????????? lol hee hee
coffee kate..............eemmmmmmmmm, my arse you are lol
Hi teresa feel cared for already and thanks for few names for me to post,its hard to know who to post as dont want to get on anybodys nerves late at night,im sure i'll have a few giggles when i carnt sleep now,but will always support anyone as best i can thanks kim xx
It's about time you came back (thought you were wallowing in self pity about the latest results!!ol) sorry babe think you have to have humour out of sadness and you made me laugh with the reference to drugs and amy winehouse and pete docherty.I hope our duracell bunny picks up soon and hope you and your Dad are ok?!
Me and Karen are getting rid of those french firemen but thinking of Westlife covered in choccy, what do you think!!?
Love ya loads and Michaela sends her love and best wishes to all of you on here (forgot that one earlier) Karen's sending me a straight jacket like she did you, do you think she think's we're mad????
Bucket full of love and hugs to you, mum and dad Teresa XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
