AM I THE ONLY CARER WHO NEVER SLEEPS!!!!!

Dear chickies Karen and Kate

Hope you are both ok and you're feeling better Karen and how is duracell bunny doing today, hope she still feeling well?

Got resukts back yesterday, my beautiful daughter has got Hodgkins!! The consultant is coming back to see us on tuesday so we will no more then but she told us enough yesterday, Michaela will be transferred to Mt Vernon for a 3-5 day course of chemo, then home for 2 weeks and then every following 2 weeks she'll go back to Mt Vernon for 1-2 days courses (6-8 in total). She isnt allowed to return to college to sit her final exams so no University for her this year, she has to take a year out, bless her all that hard work she has put in to now have to put it all on hold.....LIFE REALLY IS F****N SHITE!! sorry Im just so upset for her as she had so many plans but I have said (and so did her dad and the specialist) that what is a year for the sake of your health!!

She took it really well, the only time she really cried was when they mentioned Mt Vernon, as that's where dad passed away 8 weeks to the day!! I kind of felt relieved that it wasn't Lymphoma (if that makes sense) as that is a worse type to have and at least with Hodgkins (the specialist said 'it is the best one to have' I replied 'none of them are the best to have!!!!) but this one is the most treatable of them all and has a high rate of total curability plus Michaela has age on her side and she is a very strong young lady so we'll get her through this as we did dad up to a certain point. Won't know till tuesday at what stage it is and whether she will need surgery or radiotherapy too and more importantly, to Michaela, if she will lose her beloved hair, out of sadness comes laughter yet again as I said to her if she does lose it we'll see a reduction in electricity bills as no hairdryer or straighteners for an hour each day!! she said do I spend that long on each morning??!! Yes she does, bless her, so many things I have to sort out with regards to college, uni, holidays booked, driving, work and she was going to see Paul Weller in May, specialist said that although she may feel well enough in herself she is still at risk of infection from others so everywhere is more a less a no go zone. Sorry but life really is a bummer!!!

Anyway honeys lots of love and hugs to both of you and your's T XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Dear Karen

How are you honey, feeling better? I didnt leave the hospital tonight till gone 9 as Michaela was really cold and shaky and her bpm was 209 and she wasnt feeling well at all, obviously all these things that keep happening to her are part way to the symptoms of what she has so now all I want is the transfer and for treatment to start, felt ok yesterday at being told what was wrong as at least we knew what we were dealing with but didnt feel so ok tonight as she was really poorly. I asked a nurse to come in and see her which she did, no bedside manner at all, I'd put Michaelas dressing gown over her as she was so cold, nurse came in and started taliking about her fitting because of me trying to warm her up!! she was reprimanded because I complained and the staff nurse (lovely lady) came in and apologised and gave Michaela 2 paracetamol and 2 codiene which knocked her out (bless she was that bad I had to take her to the toilet) I always walk her there anyway but tonight she was that bad that she wanted her mum to help her and put her on it as she couldnt stop shaking. Apparently these are all symptoms of what she has just now cant wait till tuesday to find out when they are transferring her and to find out what stage she is at. Have found an inner strength from somewhere as I am determined to get her through this and will not let her wane and give up!! and I have to stay strong because I cant put all this on mum, although she is feeling it too.

Spent a few hours with mum tonight but wanted to come home, its the first saturday night since dad passed that Ive not stayed with her but like she said she has to get used to it as Im going to be staying with Michaela for the long haul as and when. As for me Im in shock I cant believe that this bastard disease has hit my daughter at such an age but we're tough old birds and cope with most thats thrown at us, its just another hurdle to get over again!!!

Might need you walking beside me sooner than you think and you holding Michaela's hand from afar..Thankyou!!

Love ya loads and sending lots of love and hugs to you and your family Teresa XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Dear chickie Kate

Thanks for your message honey, you too are such a wonderful, fantastic inspiration love ya loads just a shame about your footy team, what was the score with arsenal??!! ha ha! Am so glad that our duracell bunny is doing well, sounds like she has taken a really good turn for the better? and how are you feeling and your dad too? Anyway will keep you updated on your surrogate niece, I just want her transferred for treatment now as she getting more poorly. You dont have to apologise at all for not posting before, you going through more than I am anyway and thankyou again for your post, it means so much

Love ya loads and sending lots of love and hugs to our duracell bunny and you dad too, how is your brother? any news?

lots of love teresa xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx