Well here i am again at 4.30 in the morning and i can't sleep yet again!! My husband Darryl has terminal small cell cancer and, at the moment is going through a really good phase. Which, i would have thought, would set my mind at rest and enable me to sleep. But no, here i am again having had 2 hrs sleep tonight wide awake with mad thoughts running around my head!! This is driving me crazy and i just seem to be on auto pilot all the time. Darryl is 44 years old and we have been given a prognosis of a 2-3 year life span for him. I can't seem to let go of this thought, and maybe part of me can't sleep because of that, as i feel if i'm asleep i'm wasteing precious time!! Darryl is sound asleep and resting well, and if i stay upstairs next to him listening to his breathing, i keep thinking is this the last time i'll ever hear that and end up getting so uptight and worried that i find it better to just get up again. So i wander round the house do a few chores, have a hot caffiene free drink and will myself to sleep all to no avail i might add!! hahaha surely i'm not the only carer who never sleeps, or am i????? any comments gratefully recieved. Take care my friends and hope your all sleeping well. love and hugs mel xxx
your daughter Caz sounds wonderful and so full of life, she must be a real inspiration to you!
I also have a daughter called Kirsty who is 21 who we also call the whirlwind, but for different reasons to Caz. Kirsty is called it because where ever she goes in the house she leaves part of her belongings around. We know where she's been we just follow the trial she leaves!!! haha Mind i'll be missing her soon as she is moving to Yorkshire on the 18th may to live with her friend(boyfriend i think lol) and as we live in Kent it's quite a way away. She's made me promise not to hang on to her at the door and not to cry!! hahaha Not sure i won't do that though.
I really wish Caz the best of luck with her music, and hopes she gets the job in Birmingham. Please let me know how she gets on won't you? she sounds very talented! What instrument does she play?
Anyway hope you have fun with all the washing you could do some of mine for me too if you like i'm sure someone keeps coming around at night and adding more to it! lol
Caz is a Trombonist, both of our children went to music conservatoires, son, 2 years older, is a 'cellist but doesn't play totally professionally, has some semi professional work. Caz manages to survive financially by playing and some teaching, at the Trinity College of Music. We're so proud of our offspring!
So sorry your computer playing up. Always the same isn't it when you want to get something off your chest it all goes wrong!
How is my surrogate niece Michaela doing today? I bet shes well fed up being in hospital for so long now. Do you have any idea when she may be allowed home yet?
Did you enjoy your walk? It's quite warm out there today which is a bit deceiving as it is overcast and looks chilly! Lets hope sping is here at last. Darryl likes it when the weather is warmer as he hates the winter. He still continues to do well today and iv'e just brought him some new stereo stuff, which i always said he couldn't have before he got ill as very expensive. But then i thought sod it the man waants so the man shall have so he's been busy fiddling with it all today!! i must admit it does sound good and motorhead are awsome on it! hahaha
I hope you have a nice rest of the day and don't forget babe i'm here for you always and forever. Think we'll change our names to the superglue club cos we all stick together!! Karen or Kate said about that last night, sorry i can't remember which one got a brain like a sieve sometimes! haha what do you think of the name?
hope to hear from you very soon love and hugs mother hen mel xxxxxxxx
Wow what talented children you have and i bet you are proud of them too! Where do they get their musical talent from you or their dad?
Kirsty plays the drums and is quite good but she has to play them in the shed as we have no room in the house for them.
I am not musically talanted at all i did try to play the keyboards as always wanted to do that but didn't have lessons as couldn't afford them so was self taught and didn't do very well at all! I learnt to play some xmas songs and that was about it oh and mull of kintyre!! lol so not naturally talented at all. My keyboard now sits under my bed where it has been for about 3 years!
When i was a girl i always wanted to play the piano as everyone said i had piano fingers(whatever that meant) lol but sadly never got the chance. Still no point living in the past is there, whats done is done!
Hope you're getting through the washing ok and at least it's not raining or cost loads in the dryer! haha
Yes, we burst with pride! I'm keeping a careful watch on the weather as it's gone cloudy, just after I put out the last load, like to get it dry outside if i can,. it smells so much nicer, I'm an old fashioned biddy that way, lol!
1st off thankyou for still all thinking about me and Michaela last night even though I wasnt about, I did get some few hours rest I spent the evening with Mum after leaving the hospital, she wanted to take me out for something to eat as a change of scene but wasnt really in the mood besides the heavens opened up so we had a chinese supper, bottle of red in doors and spent the evening talking about dad and Michaela, mum bless her seemed to want to go over everything about dad again as I think she feeling the strain again now because of Michaela, though not said in a nasty way at all but she said about it phaps being a godsend that he not here right now because he would not have been able to cope, he would have put on the big brave face for me and Michaela but he would have been different with mum and let his guard down as he adored Michaela.
Anyway Michaela looked quite a bit better last night and it was only me and mum and her dad up there, she managed to eat all her tea I took her up and she asked mum for a roast dinner today so we going up there later, more so again as she has her dads other side of the family visiting this afternoon (Mel I just laughed when I realised 'roast dinner'!!) they'll be lots of them up there today lol, anyway felt a bit more positive yesterday but then at 4am this morning her temp soared again to 41, now stabilised at 39 but she'd been doing so well with her temp for the last 3 days. Dr saw her yesterday and said that her results may be back on wednesday but like her dad said they said they would do this test that day and that one another and they never did so we will just have to wait and see!! Im scared for her but staying postive though am preparing for the worst just as a precaution, if that makes sense!! I dont want to be thinking all along that no its not what they think to then be told that it is but like I said to mum last night Michaela is a very strong young lady so between us, if need be, we will get through it.
Karen, hope you're feeling better today honey? sorry you felt how you did last night I wish I'd been about but looks like I certainly wasn't needed, as ever you got lots of love and support from our wonderful mother hen and darling chicky kate, I know exactly what you feel though as I so wish dad was still here but without what he had, if that was the case he would have been our rock and made everything feel better!! sorry that prob didnt help XX and as for your boys I hope they're spending a lovely weekend with their WONDERFUL mother, someone once said to me it doesnt take much to be a good mum as it comes natural but it takes a lot to be a special person and friend and that's definately something we have all found so that makes you, mel and kate very special all round!!
Kate, thankyou too honey for your messages you are such wonderful women and all the hugs you have sent am sending them all back to all of you!! Sorry to hear about your brother but like been said it could be benign so listen to your mother hen mel!! I laughed when you said about you being like chalk and cheese then feeling bad, me and Angie are like that I always think that she think she the elder one and sometimes when she talks you'd think she'd been born with a silver spoon in her mouth!! lol but I love her too bits, feel sorry for her at mo as we not seen much of Samuel since he was born as what going on with Michaela, said to mum last night I cant remember what he really looks like as he's changed soo much in the last 2 weeks. You made me laugh when you said about don't worry bout thins said and that you you don't notice anything anyway lol!! think the shock of things on friday put me in a tizzy cos since then I've sat there and thought what about this, what about that?? but its the weekend again and although Michaela got an on-call dr I'd rather talk to those I've already seen, anyway honey I hope Monday and Tuesday go well for our duracell bunny and hope you having a good weekend.
Mel, how you feeling!!!? and how are daryll, daley and kirsty? hope you anjoying your weekend and thankyou again for your messages etc, am back at home tonight so will speak later if I dont crash on settee
Karen just thought got to get this one in as I see the footy digs are coming back again!! Chelsea only just scraped it!! ha ha don't know about Mel but my brother-in-law would lynch me and what about the chances Liverpool - Everton? sorry girls!! What was our score yesterday??
Anyway love you all lots, hugs all round (see the firemen hoses are creeping back in!!) just realised how that sounded
With so much support on here, I wish you lovely people would just have a look at my post on ' chat', it's a page back, called thought for today, it was an email i got sent about sisters, I think it suits this thread a treat!
Noticed you were about earlier are you still? How are you feeling? hope better than yesterday and hope that bug of your's is shifting. Came home from hospital tonight had dinner then crashed on settee so now in wide awake mode and no-one about : - ( lol, never mind!! typing on this is better than nothing. Michaela's had her canular re-fitted and being given antibiotics again, they also done a haemoglobin test to check her oxygen levels as they dropped today (now yesterday) and her heart raced again, poor mite, I think it when they do more intensive tests as the same thing happened on wednesday when they took her bone marrow and the procedure were trying to do today was through an artery and it caused her a lot of pain, they couldnt get anything from her at 1st, she did make us laugh as the 1st dr that tried it in the morning was cross-eyed and the nurse thinks thats why he couldnt do it properly!! anyway dr tonight that came round to try again was so much better, it was over in a minute and apart from the usual scratch Michaela felt nothing at all. At one point there were 9 of us up there this eve though they asked all to leave except me when they took her haemoglobin, think Im going to have to ask if they can limit visitors at a time as it too many and both her nans agree!!
Are you starting your training again this week? I had another appointment at the careers office today (a day course to see what field I would be more apt to) but obviously I have had to cancel, one course that I went for the other week sounded great and had made the decision to go for it but unfortunately once trained the jobs offered required a full driving licence and I don't drive yet!! think Im leaving that one a bit late don't you? but then my mum never passed her test (after 8 attempts) until she was 52, bless her.
Anyway honey, going for a wander then bed if sleep comes!! lots of love and hugs Teresa XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
so sorry i wasnt around for you last night hunni, i kept checking to see if you were about, then sods law i go to bed, then you are here needing support, i am so sorry, we all need to learn telepathy with each other dont we lol
sorry our michaela still going through all of this bless her, i did laugh at the cross eyed doctor, no wonder he couldnt get it right lol i so hope she is feeling a bit better better, i bet you dont know whether your coming or going my sweetie. all the visitors must be wearing michaela out, think its good that you are going to ask them to limit the visits, but understand how they feel as there worried about her arent they bless!! send her a great big hug from me wont you??
your'e never too old to go for driving test hunny, as your mum is good proof of that, dont matter how many times it takes does it? it took me 3 times and i was only 19, must be cos i is essex girl lol
so glad you like westlife too, i think there great , and take that lol mum loved them all too, listening to them makes me think of her even more !!
hope you have a good visit today and that michaela is still in good spirits, she must be totally p'd off now still being in there.
anyway my sweetie, you take care of yourself and speak very soon love ya and thanks for your other message i think your brilliant as well lots of love and tons of hugs chickie karen xxxxxx
