Well here i am again at 4.30 in the morning and i can't sleep yet again!! My husband Darryl has terminal small cell cancer and, at the moment is going through a really good phase. Which, i would have thought, would set my mind at rest and enable me to sleep. But no, here i am again having had 2 hrs sleep tonight wide awake with mad thoughts running around my head!! This is driving me crazy and i just seem to be on auto pilot all the time. Darryl is 44 years old and we have been given a prognosis of a 2-3 year life span for him. I can't seem to let go of this thought, and maybe part of me can't sleep because of that, as i feel if i'm asleep i'm wasteing precious time!! Darryl is sound asleep and resting well, and if i stay upstairs next to him listening to his breathing, i keep thinking is this the last time i'll ever hear that and end up getting so uptight and worried that i find it better to just get up again. So i wander round the house do a few chores, have a hot caffiene free drink and will myself to sleep all to no avail i might add!! hahaha surely i'm not the only carer who never sleeps, or am i????? any comments gratefully recieved. Take care my friends and hope your all sleeping well. love and hugs mel xxx
hi juls thats great news hunni, well done to gemma on the england team!!, i am so proud of her too!! hope your ok and have had a good weekend!! and hope today is a good one much love and hugs karen xxxxxx
hi mhm wow great news about daz, the chemo doing its stuff again, hope today will be a good one too!!
babe i know it will be very hard for you going to funeral directors, but at least it probs make daz feel more at ease thats hes put all his arrangements in place and will feel thats hes helping you in this way (hope you know what i mean!), and with that done he can enjoy his precious time with you all.
hope today is a good one for daz and for you all loads a love and hugs your chickie karen xxxxxx
hi helen, hope your more rested today, have a good one!! love and hugs stalker karen xxxxxx
kate hun hope your ok, and that our db is comfy and resting, thinking about you hunni love and hugs, karen xxxxxxx
hi sue hope you managed to persuade your son to stay a while longer, hope you had a good sleep, it was great chatting to you last night, hope you have a good day today. love and hugs karen xxxxxx
hi shell hope your feeling brighter this morning hun, always here for you have a good day love and hugs karen xxxxxx
all other chickies and rooster hope you all had a good night sleep, and hope today is a good one for you all love and hugs, chickie karen xxxxxxxxxxxxx
hey chickie Karen Thanks for that babe means alot, and of course i know what you mean so no offence taken ok! It's just hard talking about funeral arrangements when daz still here if you know what i mean? On a good note my little sister Sam has been ringing round for me to find a hall that we could do a big get together for friends and family for daz and my anniversray next month. She has just rung me to say that she has found a couple and when she explained the circumstances they have said we can hire the hall for nothing!! How good is that? I was so surprised and hope now we can pull it off and that daz enjoys it as it's a surprise at the mo so he knows nothing about it. At least that gives me something positive to focus on too. It will probably be on sun 28th july as i think thta's a better day for people due to work commitments etc. My sisters are all helpng me with the food etc too. Just when i had given up hope on my sisters they come through for me and daz and i have been so surprised that they are now here for us. Daz Daley and Kirsty are all still in bed at the mo but hoping today is going to be another good day for us all Hope you have a good day too and that all's well Love and hugs MHM xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
good to see ya babe, i know what you mean and you must dread thinking about going!!
how lovely, your sisters rallying around for you both now, and wow how lovely an anniversary get together and for free, thats brilliant, bet daz will be so pleased and you will have a great night!!
hope daz has a good day today and all of you too!! your doing fantastic, and i am so proud of you!!
thinking about you always hunni. am off today so getting my hair done, try to cover all the grey bits, well more than bits now............lol
have a great day with the family love ya loads babe chickie karen xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
hey chickie Karen I know what you mean about the grey hairs think iv'e got more over the last few months too!! lol Kirsty keeps pulling em out but sure more are coming! lol Have just rung a funeral directors they were really lovely and we are going to chat to them tomorrow at 2pm. At least then it's out the way then we can just get on with our lives i suppose but it will be hard i know. Actually it sounds weird but i sort of feel a little better now that is in place as i have been worried about it. I hope you have a nice day today too and relax while you have your hair done hope iit comes out ok for you. Love and hugs MHM xxxxxxxxxxxxx
we could start the grey hair club between us couldnt we??.........lol
i know how you must be dreading tomorrow hun, i will be stood right beside you and holding your hand ok babe?? then as you say it will be out of the way then you can all get on with your lives, but i know it will be very hard sweetie!!
hope today is a good one for you all, will be back here later if your about, speak very soon babe and i'm always standing beside you ok babe
much love and hugs your chickie karen xxxxxxxxxxxxx
Now come on neither of you are old enough yet for those grey hair oops dark hair missing colour (!) to be present yet!!
I agree Mellymoo, just knowing what is wanted and where you are going with arrangements can and often is a great weight off your minds. If you have to be in this dreadful nightmare, then at least having knowledge does offer just a tiny light in the darkness.
My heart goes out to you all. (((((((((((((((((((((( hug ))))))))))))))))))))))))
Karen could you take my mop top too please as it needs attacking! My hairdresser left and the person now doing it just doesn't do the same good / excellent job. 3 weeks down the line and it desperately needs doing! She probably wants that new Merc in a pretty shade of pink / lavender!
Good morning to all other chickies - I hope today is a good one for you all.
MHM, have p/md you about your day tomorrow.....love and best wishes for it, I know about this and it doesn't have to feel depressing!
Juls, I just want to add to our chat last night and say again, Well Done, Gemma! go, girl! and am pleased, Juls, that you have posted it, I know you must be very proud of her!
Karen, sweet, take my hair too, please? Mine is just about to need doing, though not coloured as it is already well grey all over! (hairdresser says it is silver, lol!)
Kate, thinking of you all, hope the break is going ok.....
Hi, Fran, good to see you on here!
Sue Butty, just get that food down you, honey! Sorry you didn't need those lovely lifeguards, they were queuing up to come your way, lol!
Am going to take T off for a few days, to the sea, he hasn't had a holiday now for 17 months and we both just felt we need to see the sea! so I may not be able to post to you all.....so, my love and hugs to all, and a request.....please don't all write a couple of pages every few minutes as it will take me half a life to catch up!!!!!
I am having my 6th chemo session on wednesday (not looking forward to it) but getting on with it.
I was borderline whether I was having chemo but doc has put me down for 8 sessions - do I really need all that and then radio as well. Going to ask him on wednesday - I want to have control of my life instead of plodding along and accepting what they tell me. I am being silly??
Should I just have the 8 sessions and then radio?? Is it going to make any difference anyway.
What do you think chickies as I value your opinions.
I am writing a list of questions and have discussed this at length with my partner Colin.
We will see what the doc says on wednesday and if he is happy with it then we will go with it. If he isn't then we go along with what he says. I know its only two more after this one and maybe the hospital I go too recommends 8 sessions when others only do 6 it might be more benifical for me to have the 8.
Will see how it goes. I am just feeling more drained and tired after each one now. Will keep you posted.
