Well here i am again at 4.30 in the morning and i can't sleep yet again!! My husband Darryl has terminal small cell cancer and, at the moment is going through a really good phase. Which, i would have thought, would set my mind at rest and enable me to sleep. But no, here i am again having had 2 hrs sleep tonight wide awake with mad thoughts running around my head!! This is driving me crazy and i just seem to be on auto pilot all the time. Darryl is 44 years old and we have been given a prognosis of a 2-3 year life span for him. I can't seem to let go of this thought, and maybe part of me can't sleep because of that, as i feel if i'm asleep i'm wasteing precious time!! Darryl is sound asleep and resting well, and if i stay upstairs next to him listening to his breathing, i keep thinking is this the last time i'll ever hear that and end up getting so uptight and worried that i find it better to just get up again. So i wander round the house do a few chores, have a hot caffiene free drink and will myself to sleep all to no avail i might add!! hahaha surely i'm not the only carer who never sleeps, or am i????? any comments gratefully recieved. Take care my friends and hope your all sleeping well. love and hugs mel xxx
i know you do mother..lol ..and no i aint done anything much today.. not even been out to see what the weather has been like.. had things to 'think' about and stuff to sort with something else today.. but tomorrow is another day.. and i hope its better for all of us..xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
hey my chickie Lisa have just p/m you babe hope that was ok? I know what you mean tomorrow is another day eh and lets hope it's better too! I can't thank you enough for your kind words and support i would be truly lost withour lovely people like you around on here. I'm hoping when Daz starts his chemo on thursday that he may feel a little better then after a few weeks. When he had the first lot of chemo it really made a big difference to him and even after 24hrs he said he felt better which freaked hm out first of all as it was so quick! So i am praying that the same happens again. I just don't want him to suffer and be in pain as i know he wouldn't handle that very well at all. It's our wedding anniversary next month on the 24th July and i really want to do something special but not sure what yet so if you have any ideas that would be most helpful? Or indeed if anyone else reading this has any ideas what special thing i could do for Daz then please let me know thanks? Love and hugs MHM xxxxxxxxxxxxx
p/m'd you before but not sure if you got it as this bloody laptop is so slow...think it's virgin!!!!! sending you, Daz, Daley and Kirsty lots of love and hugs and just wanted to say I'm at the end of a phone if you ever need a chat ok? love MUS/chickie Teresa xxxxxxxxxx
yes .. i hope it makes him feel better too ... and yep i will get my thinking cap on for you and try tto come up with something real special for your anniversary..xxxxxxxxxx
hey chickie Teresa Did get your p/m babe and have replied so hope you got it ok? Your laptop a virgin eh? Should have got one with a bit more experience then! lol Sorry but i just couldn't resist that! lol We will all be ok babe just need time for it all to sink in properly i think. Any ideas what special thing i can do for Daz and my wedding anniversary next month 26th July? i want to do something really speccial but can't think of anything at the mo me minds gone blank! Mind no change there then eh? lol hope our Michaela is comfy tonight babe? Hope you get some rest too! Love and hugs your MHM xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
hey chickie Lisa thanks for that babe i will try to think too so maybe we could come up with something between us all eh? love and hugs your MHM xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Hey my chickie Juls have you heard from chickie Kate yet? I still haven't and am so worried now have tried ringing her again a little while ago but still switched off so wondering if she's left her phone at the hospital again? I just hope she contacts one of us soon as i really am so worried about her and our DB. I was thinking of maybe organising a party/bbq for Daz on our anniversary so maybe i could do that but not sure how he will feel at the mo regarding the chemo but i can wait for a few sessions and see how they go eh? I just want it to be a very memorable special day for both of us and also for Daley and Kirsty too. Your anniversary is the same day as one of my nephews so i won't forget that will i! lol Love and hugs and thanks for everything much love and big hugs your MHM xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
