Well here i am again at 4.30 in the morning and i can't sleep yet again!! My husband Darryl has terminal small cell cancer and, at the moment is going through a really good phase. Which, i would have thought, would set my mind at rest and enable me to sleep. But no, here i am again having had 2 hrs sleep tonight wide awake with mad thoughts running around my head!! This is driving me crazy and i just seem to be on auto pilot all the time. Darryl is 44 years old and we have been given a prognosis of a 2-3 year life span for him. I can't seem to let go of this thought, and maybe part of me can't sleep because of that, as i feel if i'm asleep i'm wasteing precious time!! Darryl is sound asleep and resting well, and if i stay upstairs next to him listening to his breathing, i keep thinking is this the last time i'll ever hear that and end up getting so uptight and worried that i find it better to just get up again. So i wander round the house do a few chores, have a hot caffiene free drink and will myself to sleep all to no avail i might add!! hahaha surely i'm not the only carer who never sleeps, or am i????? any comments gratefully recieved. Take care my friends and hope your all sleeping well. love and hugs mel xxx
Mel... I'm so sorry... I just sent you a PM minutes before i read your posting here.. asking if things had gone well.. (((((((((((massive hugs)))))))))) I know i ant known you long..but long enough to see how much of a inspiration and a friend you are to everyone here who needs it... so I will be also stand with you and walk beside you whenever you need .. you have loads that think the world of you and as much as you tell us not to worry for you .. we are stlll gonna... Cancer has no mercy.. and you are going to need ppl to talk too .. so i order you to stop trying to be strong for everyone else ..and let us support you now.. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
hey chickie Lisa I just replied to your p/m asking you to read my thread re how things went today and you was writing here! How weird was that! lol I am ok sweet honestly. But i thank everyone for all the kind words and messages of support for me and Daz. I just don't think this has all sunk in yet but sure it will soon but scared to let go incase i break down if you know what i mean? I have to be strong for Daz to help him through the next few months we have. i just don't want him in pain and to have a bad quality of life so that is my aim at the moment, to make daz as comfy and happy as i possibly can. It's the least i feel i can do for him as he has done so much for me in the many years we have been together. Thank you so much for everything i really am most grateful and if i can help you in any way at all you just shout babe and i will be there ok? Much love and big hugs your MHM xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Hi Wendy You have the same name as one of my sisters! lol thank you sweet for the hugs you are very kind and they mean alot I feel all loved and cared for by everyone tonight so thank you for everyone of them hugs they really are helping! I hope you are ok and that you have had an okish day today? Thank you again babe much love and big hugs MHM xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
hope you manage to get some sleep tonight babe. i havent heard anything from our kate am worried too babe, if you hear anything please send her all my love and tell her i love her loads and am thinking about them all.
if you need me just text or phone and i will be there for you ok hun, if not i will speak to you tomoz big love and hugs to you and daz love ya hun, karen xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
to all other chickies and foggy, hope you all manage to get a good night sleep, love and hugs to everyone, love ya all, karen xxxxxxxxxxxx
Hye chickie Karen I have just tried to ring our chickie Kate again but still her phone is off. I'm wondering now if she has left it at the hospital again and they have it in the safe again? I'm so very worried about her too sweet as not like her to post or contact me in some way, but i will let you know if i hear from her tonight and will send her your love and everyone elses too. Hope you sleep well babe and i'm here if you ever need me ok? Love and big hugs MHM xxxxxxxxxxxxx
hey chickie Lisa I will shout babe and you do the same too ok? I do worry about all my chickies and that includes you too! lol Have you done anything nice today sweet? Hope it was a nice day whatever you did love and hugs MHM xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
