Well here i am again at 4.30 in the morning and i can't sleep yet again!! My husband Darryl has terminal small cell cancer and, at the moment is going through a really good phase. Which, i would have thought, would set my mind at rest and enable me to sleep. But no, here i am again having had 2 hrs sleep tonight wide awake with mad thoughts running around my head!! This is driving me crazy and i just seem to be on auto pilot all the time. Darryl is 44 years old and we have been given a prognosis of a 2-3 year life span for him. I can't seem to let go of this thought, and maybe part of me can't sleep because of that, as i feel if i'm asleep i'm wasteing precious time!! Darryl is sound asleep and resting well, and if i stay upstairs next to him listening to his breathing, i keep thinking is this the last time i'll ever hear that and end up getting so uptight and worried that i find it better to just get up again. So i wander round the house do a few chores, have a hot caffiene free drink and will myself to sleep all to no avail i might add!! hahaha surely i'm not the only carer who never sleeps, or am i????? any comments gratefully recieved. Take care my friends and hope your all sleeping well. love and hugs mel xxx
as i said in my texts earlier i am always here for you, not always on site, but my phone is always on, whenever you need to talk or anything at anytime i will be there for you ok sweetie? please dont go worrying about arrangements or anything at the moment, just give yourself time for this news to sink in babe, oh how i wish the news could have been so different for you all. your support is always fantastic to us all, now its our turn to support you and hold you up ok sweet, we are walking right beside you and holding your hand through everything.
thinking about you, daz, kirsty and daley, and sending much love, hugs and strength to you and your beautiful family
could you please message me kates no as i have lost it hunni
love you tons my wonderful mhm, your chickie karen xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
hey my dear chickies John,lynne(have i missed you!), Karen Den and Shell Sorry for the delay in posting back only daz and i just woke up! Lazy moo's we are lol We both fell asleep together think it was pure exhaustion! I would just like to thank you all for your kind words and thoughts that was very kind of you all.
Lynne i have missed you so much and only wish you had been right eh? I must admit i really thought it was a viral thing and the radio that had caused daz tiredness and lethargy just goes to show how wrong i was and i live with the poor man! Feeling mighty guilty for that now! However, as you said where there's life there's hope eh? Who knows what's gonna happen tomorrow, they may find a cure so we can't give up hope ever! Thank you for everything you have done for me and remember i'm here if you ever need me sweet. Have been thinking of you lots and hope to chat to you again very soon love you lots and still holding your hand xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
My dear John thank you also mate for your kind words they really mean alot and i am so humbled by all that peolpe say on here. Hopefully soon we may actually get to chat to each other properly instead of just leaving messages for each other! lol Thank you again mate all the best Take care Love and hugs xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
My dear Den Thank you also for your kind words and thoughts Always surprises me how many people really are there doesn't it you? Everyone has been so kind i really do feel loved and cared for! I know you have supported many many people on here and you are an amazing lady! Thank you for caring for me and Daz too i really do feel most honoured! Take care mate love and big hugs xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
My dear Shelly Babe you have had your own worries and stress, so don't you go feeling bad ok? That's an order by the way! lol] Got my bossy head on tonight me thinks! lol Thank you sweetie for your kind words and thoughts you really are so very kind I hope this evening is a little better for you sweet. Much love and big hugs xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
My dear Karen, Babe i know you are here for me even when you're not logged on so no worries there ok? Thanks babe for the txts and the messages here they really mean alot and i'm so proud of you my little star! I will p/m you our chickie Kates number in a mo so hope you get that ok? I have tried ringing her a few times but her phone was off so presume she was aat the hospital. Thanks again babe you really have helped me and daz very much Thinking of you all the time Love and hugs xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Thank you to all my chickies for all your words of support and comfort i really love you all very very much. I don't think everything has sunk in yet daz and i both feel so numb and dazed. Feels like we're looking down on ourselves if you know what i mean? Very strange feeling indeed Much love to you all and i love you all loads Love and hugs MHM xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
hey chickie Karen Thanks babe and yes you're right i do think it will take a while for this all to sink in. Mind i got a thick head so that's probably why! lol I really wasn't prepared for this at all i must say although Daz said he was! Just wish he'd told me so i wouldn't have been so surprised but think he was trying to protect me and not get me worrying before i had too. I was surprised also, how soon chemo is starting again When we left the hospital Dr Shah did say he wanted it started sooner rather than later and Daz had already signed the consent papers while we were there. by the time we got home the chemo dept had rung for us to go up tomorrow morning at 9am so they can talk it through with us and go back Thursday at 9.30am to start chemo! Really quick not had time to think about it properly yet. Daz and i both said we feel like he has just been diagnosed all over again and we're still walking around in a daze at the moment. When he was first diagnosed we felt worse the next day and cried loads so wondering if that's gonna come tomorrow? Who knows what you are meant to think or feel really i just don't know much of anything anymore. I just want daz to get better and i know that's not gonna happen just wish this wasn't so flipping painful though! God i hurt! Anyway enough of my self pity Love you loads babe and thank you so very very much Love and big hugs your MHM xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Dear MHM a great big massive (((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUG)))))))))))))))))))))))))) for our mother hen and Daz wish i could take it all away from you you know you are in my thoughts heart and prayers Love ya loads chickie sue butty mophead madwoman xxxxxxxx
hey my chickie sue butty mophead madwowan! that title always makes me smile and think of the many floods you have had too bless ya! lol thanks babe for everything you little star you are! Hope you're still wearing your gold madal with pride? lol You got through another day sweet so well done you! Very proud of ya i am, and i know your Kev is too so keep it up sweet you're doing good and being so very strong! Love and big hugs your MHM xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Hey MHM, glad the title makes you smile i wear it with pride lol my little gold medal is worn with pride on my sleeve every day giving me strengh from you (ahhhh bless you) i got throught the day by washing 15 chef white tops my lovely son Michael decided mother would do them for his work that was nice of him lol i was walking around the supermarket talking to myself goodness knows what people must have thought but who cares its say madwoman in my name so i can be lol honest i am thinking of you and Daz and hop tomorrow and Thursday go as well as they can i will be holding your hand for a change all yoiur little chickies will be so hope you got your octpus arms ready :)
Love ya loads chickie sue butty mophead madwoman xxxxxxxx
you are never full of self pity, you are hurting babe and thats only natural. at least they are starting chemo quick, so thats good eh hunni? the sooner the better.
hope you manage to get some sleep tonight, after your kip earlier, you must be shattered
MHM, it is your turn ti have us chickies rallying round you and looking out for you, giving you support as you have done for all who have come under your wing, just shows, the old saying of what goes around, ....we love you for all you've done for us, so we will do for you too.....love and hugs again, now get a night's rest.....love xxxx
hey my chickie sue butty mophead madwoman! LOL i do that when i'm shopping too so guess we two peas in a pod eh? Wow you have been busy today hope Michael appreciated you doinf all that washing? Kids eh what would we do without them! lol You keep smiling hun and i'll always be here for you sweet i promise that. You take care love you loads xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Hey my chickie Karen Thanks again babe Don't think i will sleep tonight but daz is asleep on the sofa and said he's going to bed in a mo. Think that's a good idea as he'll need all his strength over the next few days. The second line chemo he's having is called CAV as this time it will be 3 chemo drugs that they use.Cyclophosphamide, Doxorubicin (was called Adriamycin) and Vincristine. All can be done as outpatients in the chemo suite by Iv infusion. Should take about an hour or so. So that's not too bad is it? I'm surprised that chemo is starting so soon was thinking it would start maybe next week or the week after so yes it is quick. But the quicker it's started the sooner it works for da ad hopefully help him be more comfy then. Lets hope tomorrow is a better day eh for all of us. Have you heard from Kate yet? Iv'e still not heard anything and am so worried now. Take care love you loads xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Hey my chickie Helen Thanks again babe for the p/m and the messages on here really do mean a lot. I know you are all here holding my hand i can feel the love warmth and support so thank you so much for all you have done for me and daz. I don't think i will sleep tonight just have a million thoughts running around my head at the mo if you know what i mean? You take care and hopefully tomorrow is a better day for al of us. Love you loads and big hugs MHM xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
