We Talk Brain Tumours

I'll be seeing Ali in the chapel of rest in the morning.  I wouldn't have gone except for the fact that a close friend of ours wanted to go and I really can't let her go by herself.

I have a couple of small personal items that Ali would want to take with her, so I'll leave those.

I'm feeling quite a bit of trepidation about this, but I need to do it.

I still appear to be alarmingly calm about things, but there's small things that set me off.  The one thing today was a colouring book that I bought to try and improve Ali's hand-eye co-ordination.  Just one thing among many that we tried to use as aids for Ali but ended up only to document her deterioration.

Sorry, I seem to be monopolising the discussion here, but you're all friends, and you all understand.

oohhh pete hope everything goes well in the morning love.thinking of you xxx lins

Pete please don t apologise we are all here for you.   Wishing you strength for tomorrow huge hugs ((((((((   )))))))   Keep posting, xx

 I come on here everyday but don t always feel up to post ing as things are so hard for me at the moment.  Alan is so angry and  unfortunately takes it all out on me, I can t seem to do anything right and I am really having a struggle.  I know time is short with us and he just  seems to be shutting me out which I am finding heartbreaking.  Everyone says I am being fantastic but it really does not feel like it.

I dont know whether I am mourning my beloved man as he is so not recognisable in all respects, looks personality behaviour etc etc I am really really struggling. 

Sorry on a downer but unfortunately you all know where I am coming from......... Julie xxxx

So sorry to hear that Julie.

I know you can do no right at this time, but try to take time to yourself to unwind or let go some of the stress.

You certainly need somewhere to scream your head off....

I have silently screamed so much in the past few months.

Such an incredible journey people on here are going or gone on its amazing how many people really are affected by this awful thing. I hope each and everyone of you are doing as well as you can be.

My sister is doing well, still no sickness, today after treatment she went and done her weekly shop at Tesco so its all good right now. No sickness but tired. I have decided to have all my hair cut off and raise some money for Macmilian and have so far raised £200, so on the 3rd of December my long hair is going, my sister is going to shave her hair once it starts falling out but unfortunately I cant do that, well I could but because I work with very young children im not so sure I could explain it all to them, but then again if i was going through the same as my sister I wouldnt have a choice, but anyway regardless of this, £200 is a decent amount of money and still got over a week to go so im very pleased that I can do a tiny bit to put back into Macmilan after they have helped me so much over the last few months.

Love and Prayers for you all

Very well done for the fundraising, really fantastic work!!

Pete thinking of you this morning.

I took mums favourite perfume in her handbag some drawings this kids had done and don't laugh, some rich tea biscuits and thorntons caramel shortcake - her favourite things whilst on the steriods!

I just came back from seeing Ali.  She looks at peace, but it was very emotional to see her for the last time before her body departs.

I left her with the photo of myself that she always carried in her purse and came away with her wedding ring.

I don't know what to do with her rings other than get them cleaned.

I don't know what to do with my wedding ring other than wear it.

Love the idea of the rich tea biscuits!

Pete, i never wanted to see Paul in his coffin either but my son did and I felt i needed to be there with him.  So glad i made the choice as he was so peaceful.

As for Ali's rings,  I added my mums when she died into my wedding ring, makes it even more special for me.  It didnt take the jeweller long to amalgamate them, maybe you could have Alis amalgamated into yours??

Pete, glad your last image of Ali is one of her at peace, I love Joanna's suggestion of getting your wedding rings amalgamated, my husband has a beautiful ring that he never wears due to the fact he is a printer by day and a karate instructor by night (ooooooh has a bit of a Hong Kong Phooey feel doesn't it, mild mannered printer by day.........) ours are Black Hills Gold grapevine design, purple gold grapes and green gold vine leaves laid on the rings (subtle but noticable) but mine is so tiny and narrow that the design looks far better on his.  I am pressing for an eternity ring (maybe if I make it to Aug 2012 it will be 20 years and he will give in lol) that way I will have three rings, one each for my children!

I am feeling so much better today, I took my disabled sister grocery shopping and she treated me to lunch.  We ended up at a Toby Carvery, excellent value for money!  They were decorating the toilets and we had to use the Gents......oh it did NOT feel right going in there, but about as exciting as lunch out is going to get!

Love & Strength to all who want or need it xxx