We Talk Brain Tumours

Today we went to the graveyard to choose the spot in which dad's ashes will be buried. He has a beautiful position, close to the horses and cricket club. We then chose the wording for his memorial plaque. I desperately need somewhere to go to be close to him, just to talk to him. He will be buried next to mum's best friend and some of the locals he used to drink in the pub with.

Tonight I have brought back from mums all 190 condolence cards and letters. I have so far only managed to read three. It is too hard. Today is a difficult day as I just miss him so much. Tears are never far away at the moment but I hope tomorrow will be much better. On Thursday it will be eight weeks since I last touched him, talked to him or smelt him. Prior to his death, I'd never even gone eight days without seeing him.

Love to all, so many new passengers on our train. Another cruel reminder that this nasty disease just keeps on striking lovely people down.

Naomi.xx

Strength to you, Naomi.

Never forget that there is always someone here to hold your hand or offer an armpit in which to nestle.

You have done wonders so far, you will endure yet.

((((Naomi)))) 

Pete-your post about not being apart from Ali for this long, just made me burst into tears.

Love and hugs to everyone for the week ahead x

Naomi

I am so glad you have found a lovely spot for your dad to rest and somewhere you can sit and chat to him.  I'd like to say it gets easier, yesterday was the 4 month anniversary of Pauls death, I speak to him every day but its not enough, I find myslef crying over the most ridiculous things that previously wouldnt have bothered me at all (including adverts!).  I went to a friends birthday party at the weekend and saw so many couples who had attended the funeral and I haven't seen together since, it was a tough night.  I met Paul when I was 16 and spoke to him or saw him every day for 34 years, I always envised us growing old together.

Pete, hope the preparations for the funeral are going well and that you have the support you need - thinking about you

Martyn- thinking of you and Doreen as always xx

Joanna xx

So sorry for everyone's pain, hideous isn't it,

I met Steve when he was 19 (me 20 - toy boy!)) and without him I feel like my arm has been torn off.  It was absolute torture at his Farewell Tribute last Monday cos several of the band's songs were played and I had to sit there listening to him playing his solos - if I could have got in that box with him I would have done.  The Celebrant said that when she first met me I was wearing an 'I Love Steve Harris' t-shirt (which I was) and how some may say we even looked alike.  We've always dressed the same, but that's rock n roll!!!   We also share the same wicked, quick fire humour and as soon as he became ill, I swapped Chanel for 'Inspiration' perfume by Lacoste cos that's just what he was (and always has been).....and shortly I will be changing my middle name by deed poll to Steve.  I could go on.  Right from when we first met, our love grew on a daily basis and will continue to do so.

I can't say we've never been apart in the 27 years we were together because the very nature of his work has taken him all over the World for months at a time.....but - that guy would walk the length and breadth of a different European country every night to find a public telephone to 'phone me (no mobiles, but he never used one when there was).....and then he had to find his way back to the hotel not having a clue where he was.  He once ran up an $800 phone bill in the States constantly ringing me which his record company were furious about cos they were footing the bill on condition calls were made in moderation.  The other guys laugh about it....but it inspired a song 'Talk to Me' so well worth it in the long run.

Apart from Steve's Farewell, I haven't left the house since he was stolen from me just over 3 weeks ago.  Our friend was 40 on Saturday and had a big bash - but I wouldn't go.  Unfortunately, it's my birthday tomorrow which again, I'm not acknowledging, although I've heard some of our friends are planning to call in on me - but on condition, my birthday isn't mentioned.  I do have my present from Steve though, cos it was bought a few weeks before lightening struck - thank you my Angel.

Have no idea how long I'll go on without him, but I have things that we started together that need finishing and I will complete them for us.

Love you Steve with all my heart.

Debs xxx

HI Naomi

Your post made me smile (which sounds strange I know) because my FIL ashes are also next to his friends.  There used to be a whole gang that had dinner parties, etc and one by one over the last ten years the gang has reduced to one.  It has got to the point where my MIL jokes that she is the lonely one because he is in the cemetry with the gang!  There is a rose bush growing up the wall near where they are all resting, planted their by my FIL on a night raid on the cemetry because they couldn't get permission to plant a rose for one of the wives in the gang who had died. 

My FIL's plaque took months to arrive so the Internment was delayed, it is quite a formal process (or it was in the FIL's case).  He had a small casket, like a mini coffin which I wasn't expecting, and we carried it to the internment site and then there was a little private service around the site.  I guess I thought it would just be a blessing over the plaque and he would already be in place, so wasn't really ready for it. Might be worth checking what will actually happen so it doesn't surprise you on the day.

Dear Pete - so sorry for the loss of your Ali. 

Martyn - you and Doreen are in our thoughts as always x

Thinking of everyone, Pete, Naomi, Debs, Ange, Cathi, Joanna particularly large virtual hugs for you all.

Sorry have not been posting, I have been reading but finding everything hard at the moment.  I organised a 5k walk in memory of my mum and in aid of the local hospice, with food after and a raffle and face painting etc.  It was yesterday, I don't know how many people took part, I couldn't count them all but I have raised so far, £620 plus all the coins that are in the hospice collecting tubs and a friend of mine has offered to increase whatever I have to £1,000 as a donation through his business.  It was a lovely day and very warm atmosphere at the pub afterwards and people say they really enjoyed it so I will do annually I think.  I wanted to do if for brain tumours but the sad fact is, people will give more if its for the local hospice as most families have had some connection with it at some time.  Anyhow, it was very nice but very emotional, my dad did the short version of the walk and was upset the whole time.  At least we are giving a little back though!

xx

SWorthy that's an amazing thing you did for the hospice and I agree we need some serious PR, we should hire the people that breast cancer associated with pink and at the forefront of everyones minds.  I am glad the hospice has been helped, so many of us with brain tumours spend some time in one.

I got my Samantha Dickson Brain Tumour Trust Christmas Cards today, they are beautiful.....will get around to writing them out at some point.....but not now, I am fighting a really horrible cold that my darling husband shared with me.  Hence I haven't been on checking in much.

As ever I send my love & strength to those who want or need it xxx

Hi Debs,

Sorry about your cold. When your better get that husband of yours to take you out shopping for a Present.

Take care and be safe Big Hugs Love Jackie.xx  P.s. Was good to hear from Carol.

Debs, feel better soon.  And thanks for the reminder of the SDBTT Christmas Cards.  I'll need to pick some up.