Hi
My BIL has been given a Stage 4 diagnosis for Bowel cancer and is currently going through chemo. My sister is really struggling to support him as he talks about it 24/7 and has a very gloomy and negative outlook on it. No matter what she says, he counters with a negative comment and how things are going to get worse etc etc. This has been going on for about 2 months and my sister is struggling. I know this post sounds quite harsh and it’s his diagnosis and his journey but this is the reality. Any advice ?
Hi Concerned1
I hope your sister knows she would be welcome on here, she might also like to look at Your feelings when someone has cancer
We do get quite a lot of time on here that carers can feel that the patients are coping better than them. i know i broke before i got some help to the point I was not really that much use to anyone - just grateful that people here got this.
<<hugs>>
Steve
Hi Concerned1.
Maybe you're BIL doesn't feel heard. Maybe he keeps talking about it and being negative because every time he talks he's met with positive and upbeat responses and so feels what he's going through is being played down and so he keeps on and on trying to make your sister understand and acknowledge how bad things are.
Maybe he needs some time to explain what his worries and fears are and to be listened to without trying to be pepped up. I understand the importance of being positive but it's important to keep things real and feel understood as well. Maybe set a time limit. Have an hour every few days (or however frequently you need) to talk negatively, say what you're scared of and have a good cry. That's not just your BIL, that's your sister and you too - it can't be easy seeing your Sister going through this either. I'm not qualified or anything. My sister has cancer and I know I feel like I'm screaming and no one is hearing me. Maybe your BIL feels the same.
Sending lots of love xx
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