My husband has stage 4 incurable Prostate Cancer diagnosed in June 2025. I had concerns about his cognition before diagnosis, but it has got increasingly worse during treatment, possibly as a side effect.
The main issue though, is that he is completely in denial. I have seen another social media post from him today in which he says "the recovery continues."
Although he is stable at present on treatment, there will be no recovery. There is no curative intent and the last doctor we saw said he had about another two years. He has just not taken this in at all. He has said that he does not have time to have cancer and now that he is being moved on to telephone appointments only, "until something happens", he sees this again as a positive sign.
Of course, because of this, we have not been able to have any conversations that we need to have about financial and emotional matters, which are just left hanging. I moved into his house when we married 22 years ago. All the bills are in his name and he does it all online.
I did manage to persuade him to have his Attendance Allowance paid into our joint account so that there is some money there that I will be able to use when he dies, but otherwise I have no idea whatsoever of his financial situation and no access to his phone or computer.
I have tried to discuss his financial situation with him, but I do not think he understands it himself and he is unable to give me any coherent account of what money he has or where it is. Conversely, all my financial information is in a folder. He knows where that is, and in the event of my own untimely demise, all the information anybody is going to need is in one place.
On top of this , he has spent £70,000, fulfilling a lifelong dream, which involves pushing himself to his physical limits. He is training hard at significant ongoing expense and probably doing more damage than either of us realise. At present, he is away from home, which is obviously a worry, but at least day to day I am not watching him struggling with fatigue and pain while constantly pushing himself beyond his limits.
I am absolutely at my wits end with this. There will be no support for me locally, unless or until he engages with hospice services , which at the moment he is not prepared to do, despite the advice of our OT, so I am on my own.
I have tried talking to the help line, but I get the impression that nobody else is experiencing this, so I feel very alone. Any suggestions anyone can make would be very gratefully received.
