Before I write this, I am so sorry if this comes across as selfish. I’m not denying that I have been completely selfish, and there are so many people who would have done anything to be as lucky as me, and the way I acted feels like I’ve thrown it in their face. For that I am genuinely sorry, but I want to be honest and I want help.
I was diagnosed with Ovarian Cancer at 28, I was lucky really as it was caught quickly. I had a huge operation to remove a 22cm tumour, and lost one of my ovaries, and had precautionary chemotherapy after for 6 months. I finished at the end of 2019 and shielded through the majority of 2020, but qualified as a social worker whilst going through this. I thought I coped really well, and I got a job which I started at the beginning of 2021. Looking back, I didn’t cope very well, I buried it and pretended it didn’t happen. I was very unhealthy and got into bad habits. These have spilled over into my recovery. Things such as drinking and taking pills for anxiety. I gained a lot of weight during chemo which made me dislike myself even more. I am so ashamed of the person I have become, and how i have allowed myself to treat my body during this time. It has led to inevitable depression, anxiety and inefficiency doing a job I could be brilliant at.
I am desperate to change and feel proud of who I am.
can anyone help me? I can’t seem to get out of complete self destruct mode and I honestly don’t know why I’m doing to to myself because it’s selfish and shameful.
