Relationship worry after diagnosis. Please help.

FormerMember
FormerMember
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Hi all! 
 

I am newly diagnosed with stage 4 cervical. I am generally positive and determined to fight as I've been reading a lot of your stories about people who beat or manage stage 4 cancers so this isn't about the diagnosis. Please don't rely with  sorries or anything like that. They don't help me at all - I prefer having strength and positivity around me   

 

anyway the point is- I had been in a really bad relationship for years before this and then I ket someone amazing. We have only been together for a couple of months when this happened. My cancer was diagnosed when my kidneys failed and he literally was here and doing everything I needed. He practically moved into my house to look after my puppy and was at the hospital every single day. He doesn't look at me like I'm ill and is convinced he is going to help get me thru it. he told my mom I was so beautiful even with tubes in my mouth and told me it was me and him against the world. 
 

Three weeks later I'm finally discharged bjt over the last week I feel he's been off and distant. He stayed with me a couple of days when I got hone but then went to his last night for a few nights at home as he hasn't had his own time since before I was taken in to hospital. I understand completely. He looks exhausted. But I tried to talk to him about how ok feel and he just refused. I don't know if I have pushed him too far with my constant need for reassurance at the moment or if he really is just tired. But he wouldn't give me a straight answer. I can tell things are different with him at the moment but not knowing him for that long before my diagnosis I don't know if this is normal for him or what. 
 

I really don't want to lose him because I genuinely felt I'd met someone special before all this happened and he has completely held me up through this. i have talked to him about this but I feel like every time I bring it up I push him a little bit further away. 
 

Any advice for new relationships with a cancer diagnosis?

  • Heya,

    It's a tough one really, because any relationship suffers with a cancer diagnosis, even ones that have been going on for tens of years. Lots of relationships break down because of cancer because it's so hard on everyone involved, from the strongest of relationships to the newest. It's not easy. My own one ended after diagnosis, as my partner of a year didn't want to be with someone who was 'sick'.

    It sounds like it's all been a bit intense, much too quickly. As he's a decent guy, he's been swept up in the moment and stepped up and done what he thinks is expected. Now that things have calmed down a little and you're out of hospital, he might need some time because one, he's exhausted, and two, he needs time to think about if this is what he wants for his life at the moment, especially with someone he hasn't known/been with all that long.

    I'd probably give him his space, and maybe try and do something nice and special for him by way of showing him how thankful you are for all he's done. Because it sounds like he's gone above and beyond for you in the last few weeks, so showing your appreciation in some special way probably wouldn't go amiss.

    As I say, it's a difficult one to navigate and don't be surprised if it doesn't last - though I hope it does. What will be will be, and clinging to something that's not meant to be isn't good for anyone involved. But my fingers are crossed that after a good sleep and a bit of R+R, he's back to what you need and want.

    Lass

    xx

    I have no medical training, everything I post is an opinion or educated guess. It is not medical advice.