given the clear but still need the support

Hi just read your story 

Oh what you have been through....

So happy about the good news getting the clear 

We all need support after this whole journey as you were so young going through all of this 

Just know that you are doing well and you are so strong facing it all 

Hope every day is full of good news

Louisa

Louisa, What lovely words.  Thank you.  We all need support, I hope that you have many people around you during your journey. xx

I hope the same for you xx

Hey, I know I am a bit late to this post but I am new to the group after being diagnosed with a second melanoma at age 27. I joined the group because I am struggling with feeling very alone in this experience. I am lucky because the two melanomas were found early and excised with wide local margins and no further treatment had to be performed. I’m so sorry that both your surgeries were so extensive, the recovery must’ve been so tough. I am now looking at 3 monthly checks of my skin for the next 5 years and then every 6 months for the rest of my life because I am almost definitely going to get more cancer. This gives me incredible anxiety because I don’t know when the cancer is coming back and I don’t know where on my body. I am also very stressed about the doctor missing a melanoma because I have lots of weird looking moles so it is very hard to detect. The only way they can detect them is by performing biopsies and getting them sent to pathology and the wait times almost kill me! I am also at an elevated risk of getting melanomas on my organs...so that’s horrible because there’s no way to detect them until they are late stage. Anyway, none of my friends have been through anything like this and they don’t understand it...their reactions are either “oh but they got it early so you’re good/so lucky” or “oh my gosh, can you check this mole, I’m worried about it.” I learnt this the first time I got a melanoma so I didn’t even tell them the second time. My family the first time weren’t very good at dealing with it, my mum just couldn’t stop crying and my dad kept on telling me that “stop crying, it’s all going to be ok”. This time though they are better at letting me process all the emotions and supporting me through the anxiety and sadness. I feel like the most helpful thing for other people to do when someone is dealing with cancer is not to rush the grieving process and to check in a lot. This is strangely hard for people to do. A lot of people in my experience try to cheer you up and are falsely positive and kind of dismiss your sad/anxious feelings. This isn’t helpful! People also forget to see how you are doing after they have asked how you are once. It makes me feel like I need to pretend that I’m happy and fine, which is exhausting. I have a new boyfriend who has been very supporting but I can tell that my sad moods and anxiety is affecting him and I feel like such a burden! Like, he could be dating a ‘normal’ person. Anyway, it all just makes me feel very alone in the experience. I have been seeing a psychologist again this time who helps and essentially tells me to feel all the feelings and not rush myself. The first time the hardest part was accepting that I have cancer at such a young age and accepting that I have absolutely no control about whether I’m going to get it again. I am better at accepting it this time and not spending hours asking ‘why me’, which I’ve found is not helpful. Just wondering if you guys are experiencing similar things? 

You know what CrissiC, you are probably describing pretty well what anyone with a serious cancer condition feels like. Of course your family are having trouble dealing with it, imagine the boot was on the other foot and one of your family was suffering. I bet you would have plenty of tears and worries about what to say. No one knows what to say, they are just trying to be helpful and should be forgiven for not knowing the best way of dealing with your troubles. You have a treatment plan, nothing wrong with being checked regularly, I would like to see my oncologist weekly if I could, that's how much I worry!

The boyfriend will of course be worried and affected by this but not all us men are snowflakes.

Best wishes.