Carers only

Looking after a loved one with cancer? This is a safe and supportive place to share your worries and emotions. Please remember when posting that this group is for Carers only.

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Trentlady
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Visiting my lovely brave husband in the Hospice. The duty Dr told him he felt he had at best months but possibly weeks left to live. I was not shocked given how poorly he has been since xmas. My husband is shocked, he was thinking in terms of staying on chemo for years. He is so brave. No histrionics but at least he has caught up with what l have been thinking over the passed few weeks and certainly since the devastating CT scan result from A and E visit a few days ago. We just have to decide how and when to inform relatives. Our daughter has moved into denial but our son wants to know the truth. Always another hurdle.

Granny Sue
Posted by

My heart goes out to you people find it hard to accept that there is no more treatment .We are programmed to believe that medicine can solve everything and although cancer treatment has come a long way it dosent always cure although I do believe it buys time certainly in Bills case he has been living with cancer for nearly four years now .Even now I find it hard to believe he has survived all this time he wouldnt have a few years ago . Its definately harder once there is no treatment but sometimes people do better once the treatment is over .I think then its time for everyone to prepare themseves for next phase and come together and give each other support . The heartbreaking thing for me is the children seeing their Dad gradually decline he hasnt had the relationship he should have with our two grandsons .I wish you and your husband all the best at this difficult time  and come on here and let us support you take care lots of hugs x

Granny Sue

DottyP73
Posted by

I empathise on two grounds. I was the daughter in denial when my dad was given same prognosis and no amount of realism could dissuade me from not giving up hope. I think I felt if Hope was lost then we were giving up on Dad. Reality never hit until he had passed and then it came like a tonne of bricks. I’d see if she is willing to talk with Macmillan nurses - I was never afforded this as I was made to believe they were to help mom and dad only which I know now to be untrue. 
Now I am faced with my mom who has 3 month prognosis. She doesn’t accept this and is very scared of dying.  She is completely different to how she was when dad was dying when She kept telling me to just accept it over and over. I’d love to take the fear away for her now but I’m helpless. A spiritual advisor came to see her yesterday in the hospice but mom said this lady waS asking very personal questions which She didn’t want to answer.
as a mom now and also someone who’s experienced as a daughter. I’d say to tell your daughter that you understand it’s important never to give up hope but that you have to make your husband as comfortable and pain free as possible.  Let her join the journey to whatever degree she is comfortable with and don’t exclude her which I’m sure you don’t. For her to have alone times with her dad regularly

i wish you all the very best. I can feel your love and concern in your words and I know you will support all of your family and your husband in the right way for you. 

Keep hope alive. Power of positivity is strong. Some days are better than others