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Had enough of being pushed out

Akela2516
Posted by

my husband has now had one dose of palliative chemo! I am now confused about what a cycle, treatment etc is? I understood he wa going to have a course of lower dose chemo to see how he got on now he drops it on me that it is to be increased next time!!! I can’t attend every appointment because I have to work! Giving up work is not an option! I feel he is being a guinea pig! He is clutching to prolong his life as they keep on about this! I would rather he didn’t have chemo at all!!! I can not see the point in making him ill!!! My opinion counts for nothing! If I say anything it causes a row! I do not trust the staff as they keep missing things! Forgot his steroids before the last session! I do not feel I can ask questions especially when I can’t get there and he doesn’t understand half of what they say but just trusts them! His meds were a muddle this time! Treatment day has been changed to a Friday so my days off with him are just side effects!! So any chance of quality time together has gone! 
I am just so upset and frustrated and all I can see is months of this to be dumped when it doesn’t work to get on with looking after him!!! I have had enough already to be honest!!! I am fed up. With being upset by it all and just want to run away from it! My go just said she was sorry my husband had cancer and see if I could find counselling ! Easier said than done!!! I guess I will just have another bad experience to deal with! My first husband died suddenly and I had no help then either!!! 
I can see my biggest fear happening, he will become septic and I’ll and die in the hospital that I don’t want him to die in!! Just had enough and no one to say it too!!! He won’t talk about it! 

Needing friends
Posted by

Hi there, you have so much going on, I do feel for you. My partner behaved in a similar way. He drove off to his first oncologist appointment without me and refused all chemo and would not discuss his decision. It ended up with us having a huge screaming argument when we were out walking the dogs, in a very public place. The things we said to each other, with everyone listening would make your toes curl. It cleared the air in that i realised he wouldn't change his mind. I don't know why I thought he might, once he makes a decision, that's it. 

I'm sorry your Gp wasn't more helpful, maybe you could phone the macmillan support line, they give emotional and practical support. They are also great at answering medical questions. I can understand all of your feelings, I lost my first husband when I was 41 but I was fortunate to get some counselling. Please try to take care of yourself and remember you can't change his mind if he won't listen. Perhaps time will give him a different perspective. Hope you are feeling a bit better today. Love, Pam xx

Akela2516
Posted by

Thank you Pam. So sorry you lost your frat husband too! I was about 44! It will always be a huge shock! But I have to say maybe easier than waiting for it all to happen and all this ‘prolonging life’ business!!! 
We do seem to have cleared the air between us a bit now but it took a row!!! Which I didn’t really want! You feel like you are walking on egg shells and then you burst! I have rang the Macmillan lines a few times! It is where I get my information! I feel the hospital are obstructive!! 
we are seeing a hospice nurse on Wednesday so with her help hopefully we will be on track! I am feeling more positive and have got some counselling information from work! 
Thank you for listening xxx

Needing friends
Posted by

Hi there, I totally agree with you, my first husband died suddenly of a heart attack. As you say a huge shock but in another way easier than watching and waiting for things to happen. He's making me feel pretty rubbish at the moment because he says he's only been taking the painkillers because I wanted him to! He went out with his friend for a drive around combined with a repeat blood test and came home much happier. He is at his best when ignoring everything and it's me waiting for phone calls, the people about a stair lift and the talking to the palliative care team. He had fluid drained from his abdomen last week and discharged himself straight after. Then there are the rest of life's problems just gnawing away at your sanity.

It's now my turn to say thank you for listening to me! 

Hugs Pamx