Had enough of being pushed out

Hi there, you have so much going on, I do feel for you. My partner behaved in a similar way. He drove off to his first oncologist appointment without me and refused all chemo and would not discuss his decision. It ended up with us having a huge screaming argument when we were out walking the dogs, in a very public place. The things we said to each other, with everyone listening would make your toes curl. It cleared the air in that i realised he wouldn't change his mind. I don't know why I thought he might, once he makes a decision, that's it. 

I'm sorry your Gp wasn't more helpful, maybe you could phone the macmillan support line, they give emotional and practical support. They are also great at answering medical questions. I can understand all of your feelings, I lost my first husband when I was 41 but I was fortunate to get some counselling. Please try to take care of yourself and remember you can't change his mind if he won't listen. Perhaps time will give him a different perspective. Hope you are feeling a bit better today. Love, Pam xx

Thank you Pam. So sorry you lost your frat husband too! I was about 44! It will always be a huge shock! But I have to say maybe easier than waiting for it all to happen and all this ‘prolonging life’ business!!! 
We do seem to have cleared the air between us a bit now but it took a row!!! Which I didn’t really want! You feel like you are walking on egg shells and then you burst! I have rang the Macmillan lines a few times! It is where I get my information! I feel the hospital are obstructive!! 
we are seeing a hospice nurse on Wednesday so with her help hopefully we will be on track! I am feeling more positive and have got some counselling information from work! 
Thank you for listening xxx

Hi there, I totally agree with you, my first husband died suddenly of a heart attack. As you say a huge shock but in another way easier than watching and waiting for things to happen. He's making me feel pretty rubbish at the moment because he says he's only been taking the painkillers because I wanted him to! He went out with his friend for a drive around combined with a repeat blood test and came home much happier. He is at his best when ignoring everything and it's me waiting for phone calls, the people about a stair lift and the talking to the palliative care team. He had fluid drained from his abdomen last week and discharged himself straight after. Then there are the rest of life's problems just gnawing away at your sanity.

It's now my turn to say thank you for listening to me! 

Hugs Pamx