Carers only

Looking after a loved one with cancer? This is a safe and supportive place to share your worries and emotions. Please remember when posting that this group is for Carers only.

Being a carer

r s
Posted by

Feel exhausted being my dads carer who is palliative care now.

How do others cope.

Needing friends
Posted by

Hello there, it's an exhausting job. My partner doesn't require intensive care but I get exhausted just with the day to day things like trying to make something he might eat a little of, appointments, etc. The psychological stress is wearing. I can appreciate how exhausted you must feel with your lovely dad. I hope that you have got as nuch support as you can. Have you got carers etc? Is it worth speaking to dad's and your gp reminding them of your situation and asking for anything else you think may help. Mcmillan are so supportive. As for coping, it's just a day at a time with me and a little bit of mental blocking of thoughts when it gets a bit much. Just writing things down on this forum helps and there is a lot of support here. Wishing you the best day you can have, pam x

Needing friends
Posted by

Hello there, it's an exhausting job. My partner doesn't require intensive care but I get exhausted just with the day to day things like trying to make something he might eat a little of, appointments, etc. The psychological stress is wearing. I can appreciate how exhausted you must feel with your lovely dad. I hope that you have got as nuch support as you can. Have you got carers etc? Is it worth speaking to dad's and your gp reminding them of your situation and asking for anything else you think may help. Mcmillan are so supportive. As for coping, it's just a day at a time with me and a little bit of mental blocking of thoughts when it gets a bit much. Just writing things down on this forum helps and there is a lot of support here. Wishing you the best day you can have, pam x

Loupmojo
Posted by

As yet, my partners physical care needs are not too difficult, but I find myself exhausted every day. I think it is the crazy change in life (two months ago he was fine; now he is almost bed-bound and has no strength etc etc). The keeping up with medications, appointments, daily nurse visits, finding foods he can eat (smooth/liquid only), making sure he has everything he needs before I even begin to think about getting the house in order, dealing with family, shopping.... and so it goes on, drains you daily.

First off, I want to say that I resent none of it. He has been a wonderful father and supportive partner for 30+ years and this is the least I can do for him. However, as someone wiser than me once said 'If you don't look after yourself, how can you look after anyone else?'

Hard as it might be, I would suggest finding time for yourself out of each day; time when you are completely not responsible for looking after anyone but you. It could be whilst your dad sleeps perhaps. Have a bath, read a book, catch up on social media, take a stroll around the garden (if you have one), watch a favourite programme or just sit down and veg out doing nothing for a short time. Self-care is vital.

Obvious things like eating well, getting external help if you can (family, friends, professionals) and just not being afraid to stand up and tell people you need a break, even if it is only an hour here and there can help.

Others will come along with more help I know, but I wish you good sleep and the time you need to care for you .

You are never too old to learn
winkers60
Posted by

Hi,If you can find  a few minutes in each day to spend time doing something just for you it will help.A few years ago I made (with help) a hidden place in the garden with lots of shrubs and ferns.When things get too much,I go and sit for a few minutes listening to the birds,I seem to need the quietness.Do you have much support ? Looking after someone on your own is tough.My mother doesn't have cancer but she is very disabled with a whole host of medical conditions.I find it difficult to ask for help but on occasions,my neighbour has kept mum company if I have had to go out.Love and best wishes Jane

r s
Posted by

Hello, thanks for understanding.

My dad is a tracheostomy patient unable to speak therefore communication is writing in his mother tongue only.

He is a palliative care patient and presently end of life care at home.

My dad relies on me for all his needs including all communications and correspondent except personal care 

Due to strong pain controlling medication his behaviour has changed. At times he is observing me being cautious with what I do. But recently he seem to be suspicious and feels he doesn't trust me but he needs me.

There is sitting service of 12 hours a week, and community nurses are trying to arrange some carers to take some pressure of me. 

His expectation was for me to care for him 24/7 by sacrificing my work, husband and family.

Funding was approved for support services but my dad rejected any support but have now accepted the person who does sitting service.

This is the first time I feel that  someone can understand how I feel and going through.

Thank You. RSxx