Hi all, not really sure what can come of posting here but hoping just putting the feelings down will help a bit.
Mum was diagnosed with lung cancer in April of this year and I really don’t know how to cope.
For context, it’s just myself, mum and my stepdad in the household which is incredibly rural and isolated, we’re about a 12 hour drive from any other family. Having moved back in with them only about 2 years ago I’ve not had any luck forming friendships or a social circle at all.
Mums been adamant on not wanting to know a prognosis or really any details on the progression of her cancer which I understand but my stepdad is struggling to get on board with her choice, but he does respect it’s not his decision to make. Their relationship has been really strained throughout mums treatment process as my stepdad is struggling to cope with the reality of mums illness and she is on an incredibly intense steroids which has cause her to be quite irritable and nasty, especially when he gets upset.
I’m finding a lot of the time I’m acting as a middle man in their disagreements and it’s so draining. I’m not a counsellor or therapist and I’m failing to balance my own emotions + caring for my mum + supporting both my parents while they avoid communicating with one another all while not having a support network of my own and I just feel so hopeless and also guilty for feeling like this. .
I can keep myself together in front of them most of the time but I’m just falling apart whenever I’m on my own, i don’t do any of the things I love anymore and my drinking has increased a lot as it feels like one of the only things that gives me respite from feeling awful.
Again, I know there’s no magic fix to this, and the horrible reality is the further down the line the worse it will get, but yeah…
