️Hello everyone,
It's been a little while since I've posted on here, and I wanted to pop back in and let you know where things are at the moment.
Life has been incredibly overwhelming recently, and I've needed to take a step back from things to focus on what's happening in my own little world.
The friend I care for, who has been living with cancer, has now been transferred to the hospice and is receiving end-of-life care.
Although there's some relief in knowing that he's somewhere he can receive the care and support he needs, the reality of where we are in his journey is heartbreaking.
I've known him for as long as I've known my husband, Dave. He's been such a big part of our lives that I've often joked he's the third person in our marriage — he even witnessed our wedding! ️ He's not just someone I've cared for over the years; he's my friend, and watching him become increasingly frail has been incredibly difficult.
I've spent so many years looking after him, managing his medication, attending appointments and making sure he's safe. Caring for him has become such a big part of my everyday life that, even now he's at the hospice, I'm still adjusting to not having to get up and visit him before work. It feels strange, almost as though I've forgotten something.
I think I've been so busy doing, organising, worrying and trying to keep everything together that I've not really had the space to process how I'm feeling.
Now, I'm emotionally exhausted. I'm trying to navigate the heartbreak of watching someone I love reach the end of his life, whilst also adjusting to a caring role that has suddenly changed in ways I never imagined.
Having a healthcare background, my instinct is always to help, to find a solution and to make things better. Accepting that there are things I simply cannot fix is one of the hardest parts of this journey.
I've missed being around the community, but I've also had to recognise that sometimes I just don't have the emotional energy to be present, read posts or respond to messages. That isn't because I don't care; sometimes life simply takes everything you've got.
I'm taking things one day at a time at the moment and trying to remember that I'm allowed to be Gill, too — not just the carer, the organiser or the person who holds everything together.
I wanted to share this because I know so many of you will understand that caring for someone with cancer affects every part of your life, and when you're approaching the end of that journey, the emotions can be incredibly complicated.
You can feel relief that someone is receiving the care they need, whilst simultaneously feeling heartbroken that the time you've shared is becoming limited. Both feelings can exist together.
I'm not sure how active I'll be on here just yet, but I wanted to say hello, let you know why I've been quiet and send some love to everyone who is facing their own difficult journey.
Please be gentle with yourselves. We're often so busy caring for the people we love that we forget we need care and kindness, too.
Sending love to you all. 
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