Hi everyone we have just had our first appointment with the Urologist after a Tumor was found on my 88 year old mums kidney that involves her colon and abdominal wall . For myself and my Sister In Law it gave us some hope hearing that the cancer is likely to be a very slow growing one that won't mean that my mum will suddenly get worse . My mum said when we got back though that she was feeling quite down . She has become very unsteady and quite frail and can't do a lot of things she used to enjoy doing . She said she doesn't want to keep going like this when all she can do is sit in her chair and watch clouds go by . I said to her , your just ready to die and want to die now don't you and she said yes , this isn't living , it's just existing because you can't die . I think she was hoping that the cancer would be her way to die and hearing that it wasn't going to happen soon has made her feel down and depressed . I think being able to have another Christmas with us will keep her going for now . My worry is that after Christmas she will just give up and not even try to live . The big problem is she has no interest in anything now . She won't watch much on TV , she used to listen to the radio and has CDs but says she prefers silence . She's not interested in board games , cards , dominoes , jigsaws etc . She used to enjoy sewing but her eyesight is bad at the moment and her hands aren't good . She has just been put down for a cataract operation and has a 6 to 8 week wait . She's hoping that will mean she can read again because she used to enjoy that , although staying awake to read could become an issue as she sleeps a lot now too . She finds it very hard to eat much and nothing tastes right and the smallest amount fills her up . I tried fortisips but the milky ones make her feel nauseous and the juice ones she tends to just have the odd sip and only drinks about half . Am I right in thinking there are fortified mousses and deserts you can get , as she might eat those better . When she was weighed last year she weighed 70kg and when I weighed her recently she weighed 45kg . My worry is after Christmas she will give up and its going to be harder to get nutrition into her and she's just going to get weaker and weaker . Any help and advice from those who have gone through similar would be appreciated .. Thank you .
Hi Trickster
I am not a carer but I noticed no one had responded to your post. You are going through a really difficult time and I am sad no one with experience of this has come forward to support you. I am one of the community champions on the breast cancer pages and I live with metastatic cancer. I know one day I will reach the point where I also start to lose interest in staying alive. Things like milestones have helped me - both my son and daughter having babies a year ago, for example.
I think the most helpful thing is to make sure mum is as comfortable as possible and try to be there for her. As people get towards the end of life, I think it’s completely normal to lose interest in things and in effect to gradually shut down. People lack the energy to do anything other than that. As family members we always want the best for our nearest and dearest, but sometimes want to try to keep them how they were, even if that’s no longer possible. Things may change for the better, of course, but I don’t think it’s something you can do anything about other than offering gentle encouragement. And by backing off if it’s clear she just wants to let nature take its course.
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