THE ORIGINAL GANG OF MUSHROOM ROPE BUILDERS (i.e Mel & Em's thread cont...)
FormerMember
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This is the start of a new journey for me and my much loved friends from the original Oesophegus thread on general discussions.
We have become a close group and this will be our new home to continue our journey as life has become very hard for many of us and we keep re-living our journeys with lots of newbies which puts us all back a bit.
So my lovely friends Mel, Sam, Helen, Bern, Jac, Nic, Dawn, Sue, Cath, Lesley, Jani and the many other special friends Mel and I have made over the last 16 months this is it we have a new home.
Love to all and extra strength to carry us through our next stage XXX
FormerMember
Hello wonderful people,
My week has been crazy !!!!!!!
I have been looking at all the secondary schools (How boring are the headmasters speeches??????) and juggling all normal everyday things too.
There isn't a moment that goes past that I don't think of you all, and I am so warmed to know that as one struggles we are all here ready and waiting to surround them with comfort and love. We are pretty cool friends, even if I do say so myself !
Jac, there is an ache in my heart and a heavyness in my stomach that I carry with me everyday. This is because I remember the place that you are now, and I remember how it felt and wish things were so different for you, for us all. I lend you all my courage strength and support, draw from it honey as that is what friends are for.
Em, How your health Boss? Do you need me to don the ninja suit?
Sam, I am having an extra special ninja suit made for your lovely non counselling counsellers !!!! I will say that there are a few extras added to this suit, including Kung Fu grip. What I will be gripping I will leave to your imagination !
Bern, you are sooooooo gonna love me when I have shared a certain email with you. Just need to bloody have the time to type the thing. Bear with me.
Helen, how is your extra arm? and what day is it today? Mr Mushroom says Hi ! Big hugs coming your way.
Roch, you brave brave lady. How proud must your Mum be of you??? I'm here for you always, but only if you promise to bring me the Burger/Chip/Drink combo whenever you have one. You made me drool today !!!
Jellie, Need details on new job, all the gossip darlink, any hunks, any cows? So please for your lovely Dad and how well he is doing. Little baby steps and each day at a time, that's all we need for now.
Sam Sam, Cath. Sue, Sue, DI, Gill, Dawn, Wendy, Heidi, oh I am so pants at remembering all the names !!!!!! can we have a special code to cover everyone?
I hope you like the name change - think it suits me down to the ground at the moment, hee hee!
This is a long post, so bear with me.
The last couple of weeks have been proper s**t but am glad to say that this morning, I feel a little brighter. Have even managed a few laughs already, thanks to the pink one. I have been thinking about why things have been so bad for me recently and I now believe that, several months down the line, is where you really start to grieve. The numbness has completely worn off so you don't have that to protect you anymore and you finally realise that this is it, this is reality and your loved one is not going to come back. You start to want to do things that remind you of your loved one like looking at photos, watching videos, listening to music that has some meaning, thinking about the good times and allowing the memories to start coming back. Doing these things makes you feel closer to the person you have lost but it all brings about pain and sadness - grief - but you can't hide from it forever, it has to be faced. I want so much to go back to the way things were but know that can't be and that is bloody hard to accept, I know I have to.
A while ago, Dad wrote a piece of music in memory of my Mum and, whilst sorting through things at the house, I came across some sheet music, it was the piece that Dad had written. I can read music so yesterday, I played it for the first time and it broke my heart. But, It also felt so good, to have a little bit of my Dad (and Mum) here with me. Yesterday, I was able for the first time, to put out a picture of my parents together. They look happy and are smiling in it, which is how I now want to remember them. I now realise that doing all these little things lately, although it has caused a lot of heartache, is me moving through this grief journey a little and even though it's bloody hard, it has to be done, to be able to come out the other side. God, I can waffle - but hope I've made some kind of sense.
My friends, please forgive me for being such a miserable cow lately, there will be more to come I know but I will try to be here to support you all as you have been (and still are) here for me. I love you all and want to thank you from the bottom of my heart because without you, I wouldn't have been able to get this far.
A huge ((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((group hug))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
Love,
MM aka Sam XX
ps Am going to post to you all individually in a bit X
I think I have decided tomorrow to ask the question of the haematologist that I need answering. I have asked one online after giving him my medical details and got the answer I thought and also some people here have been kind enough to go through there own experiences with me. I pray to god it's not what I am thinking but also know I can get through anything.!!!! So bare with me if I sound a little scatty lately it's because I am ha ha ha XXX
Right, this is for all who are grieving in my exerience we go from numbness to reality then fear of the 1st anniversary but then a shadow lifts and I am not saying suddenly the world seems brighter but it get a little easier. I promise XXX
