Angry and p1ssed off about having to feel "grateful"

Hi Dakin abd I see it’s your first post. I have been in my journey with 4 different cancer types for over 26 years but my experiences are rather different.

Can I suggest that you join our dedicated Breast cancer support group and put up the same post there as you will connect with ment people who are navigating the exact same treatment.

Thank you. 

Yes! I’ve not got breast cancer, but oesophageal cancer and I keep hearing how lucky I am it was caught early. How grateful and thankful I should be, which I truly truly am, but it is tiring. I’ve just been diagnosed with skin cancer too, and again been told it’s only small so it’ll be ok, the ‘you are strong, stay positive, you will get through this’ is also tiring. Everyone around me seems to become an expert on my cancers! I suppose others are frightened and don’t know what to say to us or how to deal with it. I’m sorry I haven’t got an answer for you, but I understand your pain! And I am sorry what you are having to go through to keep yourself safe. You are entitled to be furious! 

Ohh I get this, I haven’t got breast cancer but iv been diagnosed with high grade chondrosarcoma (bone cancer) I keep being told how lucky I am that it’s only surgical treatment I’ll need but I have to have large parts of my shoulder muscles and bones removed to become cancer free and that’s if the final pathology comes back with clean margins, everyone around me telling me it’s just and op and to stay strong and positive! But it’s not them having to go through it! 10 years ill be observed for too so essentially I’ll be a cancer patient for 10 years so that’s 10 years of having to deal with scans etc.. sending you lots of love and strength xx

Oh love, I feel for you. It's terrible going from being the person you are to becoming a person with cancer, you lose something of yourself. I have to have medication for 7 years with some horrible side effects potentially so I know how you feel. Sending you love and strength too. 

Thank you so much and straight back at you, I’m newly diagnosed so just trying to get my head around it all x

Hi Dakin 

When I was first diagnosed, I got fed up with people telling me it was “only” breast cancer on the basis they thought it was a good cancer to get. No matter how easy your treatment path is compared to others it’s still awful to go through physically and mentally. Welcome to the club you didn’t want to join. 

Cheers love, this is a s h 1 t club to be a member of. I effing hate it, but, here we go. Thanks for your message. 

I have Endometrial cancer. I am so happy to have the best type of cancer. It is the best because it flags its self early with symptoms.

I am thrilled to acknowledge that this "best cancer" is the only one of the mainstream cancers with rising mortality and we don't know why.

Like colon cancer, it's amazing that "best cancer" it is striking younger and younger, because I really didn't have any aspiration to reach 50 healthy. 

How lucky i am to go through major surgery that has caused significant and unexpected bowel problems. I am so gratitude filled to experience an abrupt and total menopause that has made me loose my mind.

I am deeply appreciative that my body image, sexuality and sex life have been ruined forever (good job i am full of appreciation, because we shouldn't discuss this aspect of it). 

I am gratified that my best effort to live moderately, exercise and eat healthily is now a lifestyle factor that i should have modified. But, I must mindful that this is my fault. There are so many people out there who must have gone to park run more often than i did. They were better than me because they had a BMI lower than my 27.

I am just thrilled to have turned from a normal working person into someone who can't cope and is weak as a kitten.  How thankful i am that I can't pay the mortgage or the credit card and will probably loose my little flat i worked 25 years for.  

It's great to feel indebted to a system that i have to chase constantly and delivers the bare minimum (or nothing if you let it).

 I am looking forward to the endless future scans and living with the fact that if it reoccurs i won't be able to tell. 
___

I am not grateful. I am angry, anxious and grieving. 

Hi Dakin 

I'm Dylan and I work in the Online Community team. I'm really sorry to read about what you've been going through this year. I'm glad you've found this Community and felt able to be honest about how you're feeling.

The Online Community is a place where you can be as honest as you want about what you're going through.

Your post made me think of the term ‘toxic positivity’. I'm not sure if you've come across it before, but we published a blog about it a few months ago that you might find helpful or reassuring to read.

Toxic positivity and cancer