My husband has bladder cancer and is having a total bladder removal this week.
ive supported him and cared for him all the way through this nightmare as would anyone as u live him deeply but now its coming towards the time for his operation im feeling more and more sidelined . I know the most important person is him and do understand that this must be harrowing for him but he simply won’t tell me how he’s feeling or even speak to his nurse to clarify what’s happening.
im someone who really does need to know the mechanics of everything to enable me to understand and help in the best way possible but his attitude isn’t enabling me to do anything
If anyone has any helpful advice it would be so much appreciated
Hi Catycat and welcome to this supportive community. I am from the Bladder Group. I've not had this procedure myself but we have many in the group with experience of bladder removal and would be able to help any questions you may have. Click the above link to get to the group and you would then be able to start a fresh thread there. Best wishes.
Hello Catycat
Another warm welcome to the Community from me too. I was just typing a reply to you and my fellow Community Champion rily has replied just before me.
Apart from the bladder group - I have noticed you have put up a question in our "Ask A Nurse" section. Please do be aware that they are very busy and allow up to 48 hours for a reply.
In addition to the above there is our Carers group - if you are your husband's carer - link here
There's also our Support Line on 0808 808 00 00 (8am to 8pm 7 days a week) do give them a call as they will also be able to support you at this difficult time.
If your hospital has a Maggie's centre - why not call in there for some extra support - This is a cancer charity happy to help and you don't need an appointment.
I wish you both well moving forward.
Best wishes - Brian.

Macmillan Support Line - 0808 808 00 00, 7 days a week between 8am-8pm
Strength, Courage, Faith, Hope, Defiance, VICTORY.
I am a Macmillan volunteer.
Hi Catycat,I just read your post to the nurse.Bladder removal is usually performed for muscle invasive cancer.I had mine removed in 2019 and like your husband had an aggressive form that was confined to the bladder.If you would like to come over and join us in the bladder cancer group we can advise and support you moving forward Your husband is probably feeling a bit daunted by the thought of the surgery.Best wishes Jane
Whatever cancer throws your way, we’re right there with you.
We’re here to provide physical, financial and emotional support.
© Macmillan Cancer Support 2026 © Macmillan Cancer Support, registered charity in England and Wales (261017), Scotland (SC039907) and the Isle of Man (604). Also operating in Northern Ireland. A company limited by guarantee, registered in England and Wales company number 2400969. Isle of Man company number 4694F. Registered office: 3rd Floor, Bronze Building, The Forge, 105 Sumner Street, London, SE1 9HZ. VAT no: 668265007