v long story short, my mum is now in a care home as she has terminal cancer, she is slowly declining. she has her facilities just her body is declining and she is in so much pain. on lots of pain relief and the care home are doing the best they can. I am about 2-2.5hrs away and every day i am struggling more emotionally, this is due to the fact she is in so much pain also trying to maintain a life, but living day by day with any plans, but trying to have a little normality where possible . i am glad that my brother is 10 mins away from the care home and my uncle about 20mins, so they visit regularly. as sad as it is i feel the longer she is with us the harder it is for all especially her. i am also in 2 minds on if to visit ( i know very selfish of me) i saw her in the hospital when she was admitted, after her original diagnosis and it was hard then as she looked frail and weak but still my mum. she was then admitted to the care home about 4 weeks ago and has had a significant decline but slow over time. i dont know if i can see her and the decline and possibly have that as a last memory of her. i lost my dad (parent divorce etc so not together) nearly 17 years ago and he died in my arms, can i do that again?? i would of course but im tearing myself apart on if i should visit. I have a supportive partner and my family are holding it together. so much has happened and when she was first diagnosed we were not expecting it and especially a terminal diagnosis. we were told when diagnosed that no treatment like chemo etc would help and that it is just a case of palliative care, made comfortable until she passes away. i am angry with myself as i wish she would be out of pain and quietly pass away. but the grief is hard and its weird as she has not passed away yet but it hurts so much. i am frustrated that she is in so much pain, as i say the care home have been support but hearing her cry on the phone or from what my brother tells me hurts majorly, i just wish they would put her on a syringe driver to entail her to have constant pain relief to make her a little more comfortable. it hasnt helped that she has lost all mobility and when hoisted hurts her or even to be moved, now she wears incontinence pants and this is hard too, they try to wash her where possible but even moving her she screams out in pain.just wondering if anyone is feeling the same as me?
Hi JOJO47 and a very warm welcome to the online community which I hope you'll find is both an informative and supportive place to be.
I’m Anne, one of the Community Champions here on the Online Community, and although I was the one with cancer I can understand how difficult things are for you right now.
The online community is divided into different support groups so I'm going to recommend that you join the supporting someone with incurable cancer group as you'll then connect directly with others who are in the same positions as you.
To join, just click on the link I've created and, once you've joined, you can start a new post in the same way as you did here and join in with existing conversations by clicking on 'reply'.
Sending virtual ((hugs))
"Never regret a day in your life, good days give you happiness, bad days give you experience"
