At a lost

So sorry to hear this Tia, i myself was diagnosed in jan 25 with stage 3 bowel cancer just months before my 50th birthday.I had surgery in dec 25 to remove a tumour after chemo radio and chemo therapy. We found out 3 weeks ago that it had spread to my liver and my lungs and it is inoperable. We have two boys aged 11 and 15. We have chosen to spare them the news for now, largely due to the older ones GCSEs that start in a few weeks.

I started chemo today and it is very much a management situation rather than curative, everyday I see the boys living their normal lives and feel like i am sparing them pain. I am asymptomatic at the moment and wouldn’t know if i hadnt been told. My wife and I are devastated, but have each other and I think what is right for us at the moment is for nobody else to know the real prognosis. We have just told family and friends that I start chemo today and the duration etc depends on how I respond, and I have re scans are in June. This is true but we have also been told it’s an average of 2 years from this point. 
we are in Essex so I can’t speak for support in Glasgow, I only joined this a couple of days ago, but there are plenty of stories and people on here who understand, Parenting is all about tough choices and I am  sure you will make the right ones for you and your family, be there for each other and enjoy time together.

A couple of people on here were given limited time and have far exceeded it, aggressive bowel cancer seems to be a thing at the moment, so let’s Hope a breakthrough is around the corner for us within our time -how ever long that is. I hope your husband feels okay physically and is able to enjoy time with you both, and let’s hope between us we can increase those averages for others by going further than we have been told.
Good luck and best wishes to you all, just take your time to decide and do what feels right for you all. 
Keith

Hello Keith,

I’m sorry about your prognosis and it is lovely to hear from you. 

You are right, parenting is all about making difficult decisions. 
it is the same with my husband, he is also asymptomatic part from feeling exhausted easily but overall he is doing great only the fact our 5yo is a live wire and keeps him going. It’s sounds like similar timeline with the rescans as well, we were told that we would expect rescans around June time to see how and or if the chemo has been able to manage the cancer. Day to day at the moment since the prognosis we both been trying to go out and enjoy doing things we used to loved doing before our daughter came along. 

it is rife with the bowel cancer , my father in law had it too but he was at stage 2 and this was nearly 10 years ago and he’s now 86 and fit as a fiddle. A very closed friend’s mum just passed in Sep 25’ was diagnosed with bowel cancer too but unfortunately with all the symptoms she waited to get seen by a doctor and left it all too late. 

I totally agree often one can exceed the given lifespan far and beyond. Keeping you and your family in my thoughts and am rooting for you! 
Tia

Well if ever he (or you) want to talk about it, message me. We can’t risk our kids finding out from someone else hence not telling family etc. but people we don’t even know is all good! I am just taking the approach that while I feel okay I will carry on as if I didn’t know. I am stuck with an ileostomy which was supposed to be temporary but now can’t be reversed due to chemo, that is a permanent reminder something is wrong, but I am learning to adapt to it. 
I also know people who have fully recovered and so it never entered my mind I wouldn’t be one of them. Once the op was done and I was told how successful it was I started making all sorts of plans. 
just keep doing what you can and what he feels up to and don’t give up hope. Some people have to defy the averages no reason we can’t be two of them!!

very best wishes

keith

Totally agree with you! We have kept it to our family and few friends that we can trust. It will have to be on our time when we are ready to tell the kids. Thank you for the offer , really appreciate it ! 

that’s the thing, my husband was the same told after the surgery was a huge success and we even went on several camping trips and even planned to get away this summer somewhere further away but all that seems to be really hard to think now after the prognosis. You got to keep going Keith! The reminder as hard as it is, with family especially the kids it does get sideline and the normality just returns. My husband is determined to get on as normal as possible doing school runs, routines anything as the same as before. Our wee one can still get quite emotional over littlest things as wee girls do, my husband forgets that he’s even ill just being around her lol

Tia