Completely broken

Hey JasJb, 

Aw sending you the biggest hug. I’m the patient in this scenario, so can share what my husband tells me about being my part carer at the moment.

He said every day he’s having to push deeper to find new strength. He said he’s so anxious and worried all the time, the tinniest of things feels insurmountable. He loses everything for a few minutes at a time. Can’t get into any routine. Just feels sadness, despair, anger and like everyone else comes for a bit, but they don’t understand the profound impact on us. I’m pretty lucid right now, so we can talk stuff out as days go on, we will be here in your shoes no doubt. My cancer is terminal. 

I started counselling this week and it helped me understand what I needed right. Perhaps through MacMillan or Marie Curie you may find some comfort in just letting it all out. We can’t change the situation we all find ourselves in, but perhaps that’s a good place to start. Coping strategies ior knowing triggers. Understanding whether is actually going on chemically in our brains. So we can better understand and process. 

I tell my husband… he is doing an incredible job! No one writes you a blue print. Each day we reset Focus on a nice thing to do. Appreciate your Dad is physically in a different place to me… but you truly are not alone. Reset in the morning. Much love. 

Hi Elmer,

Thank you so much for taking the time to reply to me - I truly appreciate it. 

I'm so sorry you are in a similar position and I wish I could take it away for everyone going through this  

I can absolutely relate to everything you had just listed. It takes a lot to dig deep when I feel I can't do it anymore but all it takes is to get one laugh or smile out of my dad and it makes it all worth it. Yes, people pop in and out but don't see how hard everything actually is and the struggle of juggling my own emotions and having to put on a brave face for my dad and act like non of this is happening to us.

Thank you for being kind ️ 

Sending love and strength to you xxx

Totally relate to your experience. My wife is undergoing treatment and the last 5 months have been one hospital trip after another and processing all the information about the cancer. Like you I worry about how I would cope without her and my general anxiety is through the roof. Having to keep positive all the time is so hard. I often have a cry. It's hard to confide in the kids as they are worried too.I don't know if anyone has any starter for coping with a fear of the future.Andcas I'm writing this it sounds so selfish when she has all the pain and worry too.