Hello
First I must give you a brief history of what has been happening to my husband and myself. He is 76 I am 71.
In 2024 He had an Abdominal Aortic Aneurysm EVAR surgery, which went well. This means that he has to have yearly CT Scans.
Christmas Eve 2024 I found out I had Breast Cancer, caught early, lumpectormy, partial reconstruction radiotherapy. Then started Hormone Treatment
His CT Scan in January came back saying there were abnormalilities. He was due to have a full body MRI scan but because that same weekend his Sciatica that he had a few months ago returned so he couldn't stay still, but they did manage to get an image on the arera of concern. It has turned out that he has Metastic Bone Cance with an Unknown Primary. He is having a full CT scan (which names I can't remember) tomorrow evening to see if they can find the primary before we can even think about any treatment.
After my Breast Cancer I was on Letrozole for several months but the joint pains became too severe so I was transferred onto Tamoxifen, that was about October time I think. Now as were were getting the first news about his awful i got signs that something wasn’t right in the female areas and I thought it was to do with Tamoxifen, but I don’t think I read it properly, because I’ve been trying to come to terms with my husbands diagnosis. But then just last Friday I suddenly decided I ought to check my symptoms and apparently I should have reported this immediately. I rang NHS111 in the small hours of Saturday morning, but the only thing they could do was put in an urgent referral to my GP for Monday Morning. My GP is good and I will contact her myself tomorrow. I will also contact the AfterCare Nurse for the Tamoxifen details.
We live in South Cumbria. We do not have children and my support is very limited but I do have a great friend who lives in Edinburgh and a sister who lives about 30 miles away whose partner will take us wherever we want to go and whenever. A couple more fir emotional support but nothing else at the moment.
Every day feels like a month, I am not really coping well. I wanted to be strong for him but why am I not like all these people you see on the TV who are heroic? I just can't take any more being thrown at us. It feels like every time I hope for some good news we get the worse so I’ve lost hope now.
Oh I also suffer from anxiety anyway and at the momennt I am suffering extreme anxiety. I've had diazepam but can't have any more.
Sorry for the moan but I just had to get all this out I'm at the end of my tether.
I’ve also just discovered that I somehow had “only responses from friends” tab and as I don’t have any on here no wonder no one is replying. I’ve moved it to the discussion forum but not sure if that is appropriate. Sorry don’t know what else to do.
Hi Flayvia
You are absolutey fine posting here and every right to have a moan. I think I have lost count of the number of times I have seen people on here talk about needing to be strong - I certainly wish is was as easy to do as it is to type. Sometimes people will say to me how do we cope and I think my only real answer is "when were we given a choice".
Being heroic on TV is not so difficult, though sometimes it only works on the 10th of 11th take, no wonder they talk about things being magic.
Remember that if you need the helpline is open 8am to 8pm 7 days a week - 0800 808 0000.
<<hugs>>
Steve
It’s perfectly normal to feel like you do! Even the “heroic” ones on TV have meltdowns. I sympathise wholeheartedly because I feel the same way. It’s good to get it all out on paper so to speak. Bad things don’t last forever (my Mum taught me that). Take extra care and don’t be hard on yourself! Spoil yourself and you may find it gives you more strength for the both of you.
lots of love 
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