Body image issues

Hi Bobbie, I'm Tony one of the Community Champions, I haven't had the type of cancer you have had but my Laryngectomy operation - removal of my voice box and having to have a stoma in place of my adams apple means my visual apearance has changed, whilst I don't worry about it as you say we are 'alive' however I do understand how we can be effected, the following audiobook may help you 

https://www.macmillan.org.uk/cancer-information-and-support/stories-and-media/audiobooks/body-image-and-cancer

Hopefully you will get used to things,

Take care

Tony

Oh thanks Tony - I'll have a listen!

Good evening, Bobbie. 

It so hard when not only does it feel like our bodies have let us down. We then often left with scars on the outside too. So much to think about and try to adjust to aswell. 

Since my own surgery, I have been left with a 36 cm scar. Right across my abdomen. I remember the morning of surgery looking in the mirror and thinking my body will never look the same again. 

What you are feeling is normal and a large number of us following surgery will carry a  battle scar or two with us forever. I have tried since my surgery to embrace my scar and even gave it a nickname...shark tooth, which for me makes him part of something rather than just a scar...if that makes sense.

I happy to show shark tooth off to those who want to see him, and then tell the story of how and why I have him on my abdomen. For me personally, it stopped it being hidden away and something to hide. He is now part of my cancer story and the journey I have taken to get to where I am today. 

I do hope the advice of audio book helps, but I also wanted to share my own little story of shark tooth. 

All the best, 

Jamie 

Thank you Jamie, this is genuinely really helpful. I just need tools to cope/accept I think rather than continually trying to revise which may actually end up looking worse. Really appreciate you coming back to me. x

I am happy to chat and help. Its learning and trying to embrace a new us, with those extra scars, bruises, and bumps along the way. x

Hi Bobbie  

I'm my OH's carer, so I can give you another perspective from the patient's.

Like Tony, OH also had a laryngectomy so his neck stoma is always visible. People sometimes look if they catch sight of it, but knowing it doesn't bother me helps it not to worry him. I've often had to change his filter, and clear up mucous, in public places but do what's needed until he's sorted. We never shy away from the necessity and haven't had any adverse reactions as yet.

Now Jamie has one up on us with Shark Tooth, as OH's scar, on his left thigh, is 32 centimeters, so a few cm less! He had that big chunk of skin taken to create a free flap to rebuild his throat.

I see his battle scars every day - the two down each side of his neck where he had the dissections, and the hole at the front of his neck where his stoma sits. All of them are there forever, but I look on them as his life savers, as without them he wouldn't be by my side now.

Try to embrace your battle scars Bobbie, as they're a part of you and won't have taken any of the lovely person you are away. Sending big hugs xxx

Oh everyone is so lovely here - thanks Gill! It's so kind of you to take the time to message me and reassure. I'm already feeling better about things after a year of feeling rubbish and that's down to you all, thank you xx

Hi again Bobbie, and it's a pleasure to chat sweetheart. Aw don't ever feel rubbish about yourself as I think you're all heroes on this site. I sometimes wish OH would join, as I'm sure it would give him a lift to hear how others have tackled their own journeys. Unfortunately it's just not for him, but I do chat with Jamie a lot on the Awake thread, and between us we do bring OH into our conversations - he does enjoy the banter by proxy.

If you ever fancy a chat, about anything at all, there are many here who'll be glad to do that, including myself. Warm hugs sweetie xxx

Thank you so much, I'm genuinely so grateful - the kindness of strangers eh? This is what makes the world a better place xxx

It certainly does, and I've found talking to strangers far more helpful than those closer to home!

Well I've got to go shopping now lovely, and I'm taking OH with me as he needs the exercise!

Have a lovely day sweetheart xxx