Friends after cancer

Hello opal frost,

I've had what might loosly be described the opposite reaction. After my first diagnosis a very good friend I'd known well for several years dropped all contact and I never heard from him again.

I've heard of this from a few others, and think some people just can't cope with the C word and/or don't know what to do or say. It hurt at first, but is not an issue now.

Never had anyone ask for medical advice though, I think I'd just tell them not to ask me but go to their doctor.

It would be interesting to hear other experiences.

Derek.

Hi opal frost this is actually not that unusual……. in some people’s eyes, as you have had cancer makes you an expert….. and in some ways that is correct relating to your own specific experience.

I know from experience having been on my cancer journey for over 25 years with two very rare, hard to treat types of Non Hodgkin’s Lymphomas (one incurable) that I tend to be a sounding board for some family and friends when something comes along that they are concerned about.

Personally it does not bother me, I do show some empathy though….. but quickly move onto my stock answer being “I am not a medical professional, so do what I always do - go talk with your GP and stay off Google”

Hi Derek, yup, ive lost close friends, but gained acquaintances as close friends now...the thing the riles me is that they know what ive been through and they say things like " ive had a tummy ache for a few days, maybe its stomach cancer? " or another one had a lump on her leg and said it could be cancer?  If I had a friend that had been going through what i had, i just wouldn't say that too them?  

I do tell them to go to the gp, i just find it insensitive tbh

Yes insensitive, but until someone has actually been to the ‘other side’ and has a lived cancer experience some unfortunate traits of human nature just kick in……. especially when it comes to health issues….. people just don’t see it.

I have had 25+ years of this so I just don’t stress it…… as if I did, it would rob me of the joy of having come out the other side of some significant treatments.