Dear all,
A few months after my first course of chemo- and immunotherapy, my follicular lymphoma returned. I have now started a second, more intensive round of treatment. The first course was physically harder than I had expected, mainly because of persistent nausea. When it finally subsided, it felt like a liberation. The current cycles are going reasonably well: two unpredictable weeks, followed by two better ones.
But another problem presents itself. Living with this illness — and not forgetting the treatment — sometimes feels empty and without direction. Of course, as far as one is physically able, you can try to enjoy things such as nature, travel, good food and spending time with friends and family. But I would very much like to mean something to others as well, to live meaningfully now that I am still here.
Acceptance of the illness and its limitations is a first step. If you are fortunate enough to continue living, with all the limitations the condition brings, acceptance is incredibly important. But acceptance alone does not answer the question of how to fill the time you have — with all its uncertainties and limits — in a meaningful way.
What I rarely come across is this question: how do you find happiness, and above all a sense of meaning, after a profound change in your life, when your former self, your previous role and your vision of the future have fallen away?
I have been thinking about writing something about my life for my family and friends, perhaps even trying to publish it later.I was born in the former Czechoslovakia and now live in the Netherlands.
In my work, I had colleagues who supported each other when things went wrong, who could laugh together when the pressure became too much, and who inspired one another. They were not family and not friends, but people united by a shared purpose.
I miss that now. That is why I am curious how you deal with this.
Thanks for your thoughts on “happiness and purpose”while living with this disease and dealing with uncertainty
Anka
Hi Anka
Going through treatment was at times a real challege for Janice, especially when the first chemotherapy they tried caused a lung to collapse. She ended up in an out of hospital until the doctors finally did surgical pluradesis and fixed that problem meaning they could then focus on the cancer again. Second round chemo rendered her cancer stable and it has been like that for 10 years.
More recently I was made redundant from work; of course many people identify themselves by the job they do and do feel some sense of grief when they more away. I am still in contact with some of my former colleagues but others do not seem to want any contact.
Some people find volunteering gives them some purpose, I used to be a STEM ambassador going in to schools to encourage children to consider if their future might lead to a science or engineering career.
Now my wife and I often meet in a local cafe, there are a good bunch of regulars and we often end up putting the world to rights.
Some on here like to blog their cancer experience, good luck if you decide to go down the writing route.
<<hugs>>
Steve
