Friend with cancer is at risk of being emotionally abused, and is being prevented from their current partner for other family members and friends to support him in hospital

Hi Hammy53

I am sorry to hear about your close friends diagnosis and I can understand your concerns about his partner. 

Are you able to call the Support Line and talk to someone about this? The support line is there from 8am-8pm everyday. They will be able to take a look in your local area to see what may be places for support. He is also welcome to contact Macmillan directly himself if he feels able to. 

Macmillan Support Line | Speak to our cancer experts | Macmillan Cancer Support

Does your friend feel able to talk to his CNS about how he is feeling? Whilst it is great that his partner wants to offer support, if this is making him feel suffocated and isolated from his friends and family- then this is something that he needs support with. 

I will pop some links here that maybe able to offer further advice. 

Getting help for domestic violence and abuse - NHS

Homepage - National Domestic Abuse Helpline

Respect | Home

Guide to getting help and support for abuse | Mind

Having a diagnosis of cancer can feel really hard and it is often tough on those around us. It may well be that your friends partner needs some support themselves. However I do understand your worries and concerns. 

Please do give the Support Line a call. 

I hope that your friends treatment goes ok tomorrow and it is good that he has been able to reach out to you about he is feeling. 

Jane

Thank you , my close friend is in a very difficult situation where his partner is monitoring his calls and texts etc 

I have informed my close friend what I am doing, he totally agrees with me .

I will contact some of the links you have e sent me 

kind regards 

I understand that it is difficult for him in these circumstances.

Is he able to email?

Can he speak to his CNS/doctor at the appointment tomorrow perhaps?

Cancer and domestic abuse | Macmillan Cancer Support

Hi Jane I have spoken to him

and suggested he talk to his Consultant or Keyworker  nurse tomorrow. He had thanked me for the support I’ve given, equally I’m thanking you for your advise too 

He has told his partner this afternoon also, like it or not , that his close friend and family will be supporting him for a few of his treatments each week, and will be staying with them fir a few nights each week, so some positive steps forward 

Sounds some positive steps. 

I hope that tomorrow goes ok for him. 

Do let us know if there is anything you need yourself as well- it is not easy to be in the position you are in but I am glad that he felt able to reach out to you and that hopefully he can now get some support

Hi Jane, thank you, he’s having Chemo tomorrow morning  then RT in the afternoon , naturally his anxiety is quite high right now. However I know he will be very well supported by health care staff 

I have suggested to my close friend too, that when he’s having his treatment tomorrow ( as his partner can’t be present) to use the opportunity to talk to staff suggesting someone talks to his partner about the support he’s going to need, and at the same breadth saying that my close friend will need support and space with others , so he had a more person centred approach .

Thank you so far for your words it’s helped me feel much more relaxed, and it’s helpful I have you as my line of support too. Thank you for listening 

I had chemotherapy and radiotherapy and it is natural for him to feel nervous. I know I was. The staff were amazing though and I know that I felt a lot better once the first session was done- its all a big build up and you don't really know what is going to happen. 

Talking to his team during treatment is a good plan. 

I am glad that you are feeling a bit more relaxed. Do give the Support Line a call if you need to yourself. You are affected by cancer and are trying to support a friend and it is important that you have the support you need as well. 

1 agree, and thank you. I did ring the support line earlier , who were very helpful and professional. 

I agree  I think once the first treatment is done he will know what to exoect

He has had a PEG tube fitted just in case he has any swallowing issues or needs a bit of help with nutrition at a later date 

Yes I have read your story with interest, it’s amazing how well you have done, an excellent testimony 

• He’s just rang to say he’s had his first chemo ok, given anti sickness pills to take for a few days, staff are really nice with good sense of humour, he’s resting now with line in with fluids , has his first R/T at 17.00 today. He seems more relaxed today, he did say staff staff it’s important he’s has other support firm family and friends etc . Well that’s his first day almost done. One more chemo session in 3 weeks, abd of course now 6 weeks of R/T 

Thanks for the update- had been wondering how he had got on. The staff sound really good. Chemo regimes can vary but I found the worst time was around day 3 in the first week of each cycle- its when the steroids drop off. Lots of rest and listening to his body. He will have a 24 hour phone number for the hospital that he can call at any point. I hope the radiotherapy goes well for him.