My mum has cancer

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My mum has cancer and watching her die is tearing me apart.

The cancer has spread to her brain and is now taking a toll on her speech. All she knows is pain and suffering and I have heard her saying that she wants to die far too many times.

I haven't been able to hug my mum for weeks as the contact is too painful. Even kissing her lightly on her head can be too painful. I haven't heard her laugh in weeks too.

My mum no longer looks, sounds or acts like my mum. The cancer has taken her away from me far too early. I feel that I have failed her by not making her a grandmother.

But what pains me is that I know she is in there. She will have these moments where her personality shines through or she will remind me just how smart she still is.

When her time comes I am going to miss her so much, my world will shatter.

I'm posting this because I need to get this weight off my chest.

ChrissyMouse 54 minutes ago

Hi EastWing,

I'm very sorry to hear how much pain and anguish you are going through, and I hope you can find some comfort from your friends and family at this very difficult time - and also from external support that is available via organisations such as Macmillan.

It's heartbreaking to read, not least because you also have feelings of failure or guilt - I can only urge you to try not to think that you have failed your Mum in any way... you absolutely have not.

For you to be there for your Mum right now when she needs you the most is so important, and even if there isn't much you can do to ease her suffering, the fact that you are there for her counts for everything, and you deserve a lot of praise for that.

I've always thought I'd go to pieces when my Mum passes away, without ever thinking that I'd pass away before her - which now looks more and more likely. It breaks my heart to think that I likely won't be there for her if and when she needs the same kind of support that you are giving your Mum right now, but alas cancer doesn't work that way.

It's very hard no matter which way around it happens, but I try to reconcile things in my own mind by knowing how much my Mum and I have always loved each other, and how much happiness we've shared in our lives - and it sounds like you and your Mum are the same.

I don't know if I have any 'advice' other than to reach out and use the support available - tell your family and friends how you are feeling and don't be shy asking for help if you need it; even if that means someone doing a relatively small thing for you, like shopping, or meeting you for a coffee etc., can really help when you have alot of things to deal with.

I wish you and your Mum all the best, and above all try to be sympathetic and kind to yourself - and know that you are doing the best thing for your Mum by simply being there for her,

Best wishes,
C