Cancer Widow/Widower Club

FormerMember over 14 years ago

314 replies
13 subscribers
612099 views

I've decided to create this as it seems that when you lose your life partner, people don't know what to say or family members think they know how you feel. People give me puppy dog eyes and family members feel they need to fill up my time by either visiting me or inviting me to there houses or ringing me to check on how I'm coping.

I feel like i've become part of a club of people that know how I think and feel and it brings me such great relife to talk to strangers that actually have a clue.

I lost my husband 2 half weeks ago and I've felt numb, I haven't cried much and people keep saying I'm strong, Why? I'm not strong I've had 6 months to come to the idea that my husband was so poorly that he was going to die, I cried for two days solid and made excuses to my daughter so not to upset her and each time the chemo didn't work I cried. So I'm not strong I just had a longer time to get my head around the idea that my husband wasn't going to be around for long, I've just got to get on with my life for my sake and my daughters and there is not a day go by that I don't think about my wonderful husband and at night times I cry when nobody is present. I have to go back to work and I can't face it the thought of people saying how sorry they are and giving me sad faces just make me want to be sick and makes me nervous. I'm not one for being the centre of attention and I know this is going to be the case. I find myself through out the day just stopping and staring out of the windows or staring in to space almost like day dreaming but not.

So the widow club is so that you can write down how you feel at that moment. Everything you write someone will probably have felt at some point.

Ash x

FormerMember over 6 years ago in reply to FormerMember

I married my beautiful wife last October and honeymooned in Feb, on returning home to celebrate our first anniversary of our engagement she commented about a change in her tummy shape.

she passed away in March following 19 days in hospital...no warning of ovarian cancer feeling lost.

FormerMember over 4 years ago in reply to FormerMember

Hi there I lost my husband/soulmate on Christmas Day last year to oesophageal cancer which had spread to his lungs and liver we had 6 weeks from diagnosis to the end our whole family is heartbroken my husband was so desperate to live but was just so poorly so quick I will never get over the shock of this cruel disease and what it’s done to us all xxx

KTatHome over 4 years ago in reply to FormerMember

Hello Julie/, I’ve just noticed this first post of yours in the group and wanted to say how sorry I am to hear about your husband’s short illness and heartbreaking passing. I wanted to welcome you to the community.

I wasn’t sure, as the last post in this thread was 2 years old if you would get a response from the previous posters. I haven’t any experience of what you’ve been through and I am not sure what I can say to ease the shock you say you are still in. It seems like you are finding your way around the site ok as I noticed you posted about David in the bereaved spouses group. If you click join in that group and click how often you wish to be notified of new posts, the new posts will be emailed to you to join in with supporting other people. I would recommend that you introduce your self to the group and share what is hard for you at the moment and perhaps seek how others have coped maybe. I think somehow sharing with people who have been through or are going through similar experiences helps, I hope it does for you.

my condolences to you

Take care KT

FormerMember over 4 years ago in reply to FormerMember

Hi Julie (and Ash)

Your words Julie resonate so profoundly with me and the events that surrounded my own loss. I am sitting here tonight watching the clock change, waiting until 12:55am, for that moment one year ago today that the man I loved with all my heart for over 35 years drew his final breath. Not quite sure why I feel the need to do that - somehow it seems wrong to do anything else though - almost like I would be turning my back on him.. I am alone now but for other family members scattered in various places. My husband wanted me to move on but I feel stuck,. Please don't get me wrong - I like being that way. I am still having trouble telling people I am a widow and to be honest the prospect of that feeling changing is quite scary . I do hope one day though to be lucky enough, and brave enough, to find a companion like you have. Life is very quiet with only yourself for company. I too had a significant lack of calls following my husband's passing. Perhaps that is what makes me too comfortable being alone.

My apologies Ash for high-jacking your blog. Here's wishing strength to us all as we tread our new paths

Elaine xx