Partners

3 replies
16 subscribers
250 views

I have had a whirlwind diagnosis and removal of colon tumour and am now day 5 post op. I have not processed anything that has happened it feels so surreal. I am home and cannot sleep. I am in a lot of pain tonight which isnt helping. I wanted to ask people how their partners have coped or how they have discussed events with their partners. My husband is off work to support my recovery but is very tetchy and getting cross or mean with me. I think I undrestand why he is like this as everyone's focus has been on me the patient yet he has been through the whole event too.

How do I talk to him? How do I get what we have both been through out in the open and processed?

latchbrook 25 days ago

Hi giraffeladybbfda6 and a very warm welcome to the online community which I hope you'll find is both an informative and supportive place to be.

I’m Anne, one of the Community Champions here on the Online Community, and although I've had different cancer diagnoses to you I know how difficult dealing with cancer can feel.

The online community is divided into different support groups so I'm going to recommend that you also join the bowel cancer group as you'll then connect directly with others who have the same type of cancer as you.

To join, just click on the link I've created and, once you've joined, you can start a new post in the same way as you did here and join in with existing conversations by clicking on 'reply'.

As for how to broach the subject of your cancer diagnosis and treatment with your husband you might find this information from Macmillan on talking about your cancer diagnosis and cancer and relationships helpful.

It would be great if you could put something about your diagnosis and treatment into your profile as it really helps others when replying to you and also when looking for someone on a similar pathway. It also means that you don't have to keep repeating yourself. To do this click on your username and then select 'Profile'. You can amend it at any time and if you're not sure what to write you can take a look at mine by clicking on my username.

"Never regret a day in your life, good days give you happiness, bad days give you experience"

Pabalad4173e 20 days ago

At times my hubby gets snappy at me, he says he is frustrated and when it gets to him he raises his voice. He says it effects him the same as me but it frustrates him as he knows there is nothing he can do to change the situation of what is happening to me. True he cant do anything else except be there for me and help me do things that I cant do just now, sometimes the best thing he can do is cuddle me. Maybe ask your partner how he feels and how it is effecting him or better still ask him for a cuddle, sometimes a cuddle can make it easier for you to talk and for him to open up more instead of him maybe bottling his feelings up. Now adays I just send my hubby to his room so I get peace and he can take all his stress out playing his xbox ;o) x

Hosta92c803 8 days ago

Know what you mean. I am sorry you're not having a great time.

I am out the other side of surgery and chemo and my partner is now accusing me of 'being back to my normal self' by which he means not passive and compliant.

I know he has been through hell too but I can't understand his hostility to my being better.

Perhaps I need to be quieter and more in the background to give him time to find his feet again?? #confused! I really thought the end of treatment would be a cause for celebration??