Since the shock news on Thursday that keytruda hasnt worked, it did at start but 4 infusions later & tumours have grown ( except the brain tumour that was blasted with cyberknife).
The shock is still in us, as my husband feels ok, was eating well untill Thursdays shock no symptoms not even a cough.
The mood at home as changed dramatically....we were starting to live a life again & bang no forwarning, no seperate appointment, just a normal pre treatment day bloods taken weight etc see onco & home. We stupidly thought as all the pre bloods etc had been down all was ok, how blooming wrong were we! Those words " your scans show disease progression" we thought thats it, its spread more, instead of saying sorry the tumours have grown. Lumg 5cm to 7cm in 9 months, though keytruda wasnt started till April & bone spine is 4cm & I asked how much growth & onco didnt know, as nothing to compare to.
I was told no when I mentioned pseudoprogression, no reason, just no its not that.
I would have expected my husband to be feeling ill showing signs of illness, but no, apart from knee pain which is OA wear & tear.
The mood at home as flatlined, neith of us want to eat go out or do anything, as dreading this chemo & whats going to happen...am I going to be a full time nurse is he going to be bedbound sleeping or throwing up & not having any life!
Is it worth it, is it worth mentally destroying our lives with worry over tteatment & side affects?
He was eating everything in site up until Thursday & since then not had interest in food nor me.
We are both down, deflated & lost hope.....which is how we felt when this hell nightmare started 9 mths ago! And no closer now to getting a suitable treatment plan than we were then.
Onco spoke so fast I couldnt take in what she was saying & kept asking her to repeat & husband just sat tearful & numb.
Something about 4 cycles x 3 weeks & then maintenance. No idea what she meant & gave up trying to find out on a/c all I wanted to do was cry!
I just feel this is the end & I cant shake that feeling off....I've read about people surviving stage 4 lung cancer, tumour shrinking, remission etc & he cant even get passed 4 keytrudas before its stopped.
So no idea how we'll cope with premex/carbo chemo & dreading the next scans.
Its absolutely knocked stuffing out of us.......sorry for the long post, I have posted quite a lot on here over the last few days on a/c I have nobody to off load to x
