Realisation

mrs jg 6 days ago

3 replies
15 subscribers
161 views

Hi everyone, I hope to find you feeling the best you can during this fine weather.

By way of introduction I am a 68 year old married women. Second husband after bereavement at a young age and a widow at 46. John my second husband is so different to Andrew my 1st husband. Bother wonderful in their own way.

John has just been away for a week with old friends going back many years and I have stayed at home by myself.

I have Liver Cancer - incurable as opposed to terminal. I was diagnosed in August 2023 and have been on Immunotherapy treatment intravenously every 3 weeks. So far I have managed 30 cycles.

Sorry to jump from one thing to another but my mind is in such a muddle.

My biggest side effect is my legs, they ache badly and at times have a mind of their own. I have also suffered a perforated eardrum and am now totally deaf in one ear.

During the week I have had to admit to myself I am totally reliant on John for just about everything. I'm scared to even walk to get papers etc. in case my legs go walk about. I've been too scared to take a shower as both are over bath and I struggle to get in and out, hence my admission. It has come as a huge shock as although very happy with my marriage and my life I have always maintained a degree of independence and that has gone.

I want to scream shout and scream how unfair this is and how could it happen to me. Where's my zest for life ? where's my spirit to travel to see things and places to meet and ge to know people who live such different lives from me.

Wow hat's a lot of admissions from me and if I haven't bored you to death and something resonates within you then thank you for listening to me rattling on.

I'm now off to sit and think about what I can do. Have a good day and you're never alone. Always remember that. Hugs J xx

Millibob 6 days ago

Hello mrs jg

I am Brian one of the Community Champions here at Macmillan. I am so sorry to read of all your problems - I know "Why Me" is a question we all ask at some point in our journey.

We do have two other groups you may wish to join where you can get support from other community members on the same or similar journey to yourself and the two links are here:

Liver cancer forum

Living with incurable cancer forum - patients only

Just click on the links I have provided above and they will take you there. You can always copy and paste this post in the 2 new groups.

I wish you well going forward.

Best wishes - Brian

Community Champion badge

Macmillan Support Line - 0808 808 00 00, 7 days a week between 8am-8pm

Strength, Courage, Faith, Hope, Defiance, VICTORY.

I am a Macmillan volunteer.

Puddock 6 days ago

Hello Mrs jg

I have just read your post, and it did resonate with me, and I felt I had to reply!

I normally post in the living with incurable cancer forum, and wanted to encourage you to join it, as Brian has suggested. You will find a warm welcome from some lovely people, who can empathise with your situation.

I have a couple of suggestions, which may or may not be helpful, but they crossed my mind when I read that you are facing difficulties with showering, and with walking. I wonder if you could get a bath seat, or a grab stick or grab rail on the bath, to give you additional safety? And maybe a walker to push, which can help with balance and stability when you are out? These aids are available on loan, if you contact your GP surgery and request an assessment.

I know it may not suit you, to think that you need these things, but if it helps you to be independent, it may give you the confidence to continue to do more for yourself.

Have you mentioned your leg pain to your oncologist or support nurse? They may be able to 'tweak' your medication to lessen this, or treat it with other medication.

I do hope you will continue to post!

best wishes

Kate

mrs jg 6 days ago in reply to Puddock

Thank you Kate I will join the group you have mentioned. I know I should speak to my Oncologist - we have a good rapport but to be honest I have been reluctant to say anything in case she stops my treatment and I have to have another one that may not suit me. I'm very bad at being ill. You are just what I needed to give me a push and I'm very grateful to you. Keep well Jackie