i was diagnosed with triple negative cancer in nov 2019
2 operations 8 rounds of chemo 9 Radiotherapy
3 yrs of Zometa infusion.
lymphadema in right arm due to trauma of pict line
but…. I’m here, I’m well and I get signed off in august when I see my oncologist for the last time. I’m relived happy and very grateful but then I hear of someone not so lucky and plunge deeply into somekind of depression and hate myself for feeling this way.
is this normal??
Great to hear that you are getting close to getting discharged.
Survivors guilt is a real thing and can affect many people in many different ways…
I have been on my journey with two types of rare Lymphomas one being incurable for 25 years this coming Saturday.
In 2013 I sat in our front room with two very good friends who also had their types of cancer….. we raised a glass of good Single Malt Whiskey and agreed that ‘the last man standing’ would live their lives to the full with no regrets and as a celebration for the ones who had gone before….. so I am the last man standing.
I would say that most people would wish other cancers patients a long and happy life and not to have regrets that they are alive and given the chance to live life.
They say that roughly 1 in 2 people born in the UK will be diagnosed with cancer at some point during their lives…… so we need to past the negative in this and look for the positives as cancer is more treatable than ever.
Talking to people ‘face to face’ can be very helpful so do check to see if you have any Local Macmillan Support in your area, do also check for a local Maggie's Centre as these folks are amazing.
The most important ‘visualisation’ advise I can give is this is all like driving a car…… the future is open for you to see through the big wide front windscreen...... most challenges will pass…… and the past is only visible in the little mirrors........ if we concentrate on the little mirrors we miss the future and more importantly we will crash ((Hugs))
You may find it helpful to make a cuppa and have a look at this great paper
After Treatment Finishes - Then What?
by Dr Peter Harvey as it highlights the post treatment milestones.
When I post this great paper, folks will often come back to me and say that they think that the paper had been written just about them.
But I would always then challenge folks to become proactive after reading through it and using it as a vehicle for change and life improvement.
So get a note book or some sheets of paper and put pen to paper - it is a good way forward.
So a page per subject heading. Start detailing the things you have done already to move life on in each area and then start to set some achievable goals to work towards.
When you achieve the first goal on each lists, tick it off and then put a new goal at the bottom of the list. By doing this you can actually see your progress and celebrate achievements. When I say celebrate I do mean giving yourself treats and gifts........ you have life - celebrate it.
The headings would be:
What steps am I taking to regain trusts in my body?
What steps am I taking to regain trust in myself?
What steps am I taking to overcome living with uncertainty?
What steps am I taking to deal with the world?
What steps am I taking to regain mastery and control of my life?
I often talk about the concept that when we first get our cancer diagnosis we all get an invisible ruck-sack put on our backs.
We then walk through our journey including our treatments, clinics, blood tests, scans, side effects……. and unknowingly, we continually throw stuff into the ruck-sack…… and the stuff builds up. It’s only when we finished our treatment (rang the bell) and look to try and ‘live’ life we realise that it’s not that straight forward.
This is due to the weight of the ‘stuff’ we have collected in the ruck-sack pulling us down…. stuff like pent-up anxiety and stress, the ‘what if’s’, the difficulty in seeing a way forward with life, the disappointments around how some of our family and friends supported us, the silly things people said during and after treatment….. the list goes on.
There comes a time when we hit ‘the wall’ and this is the point when this ruck-sack needs to be taken off out backs and over time cleaned out. It’s not an instant fix but a process…. but the healing process can only start when we are willing to do it and to achieve this we often need help so these are some links that you may want to follow up and see where you can find this help.
One thing I did have to deal with was survivors guilt as I lost some very good friends to different cancers over my years and "why did I survive and they did not".......... but I got some great help through our local Maggie's Centre especially their Where Now? Course and One on One support. was very helpful ((hugs))
