I'm in the process of being treated but in limbo at the moment. My body didn't agree with immunotherapy so I'm having treatment to reverse the issues that caused before going back on some sort of drug. My profile says more details if anyone wants to read that.
I've got a variety of physical problems that are making it hard to move on with life, but until recently I was managing to get out more. Then I got an infection in my chest which I think is covid but that's almost gone now. So that's put a hold on me going out this week like I'd planned to. I also hoped I might be able to try and cycle again but honestly it would be a struggle with all the physical issues I still have. I wondered about doing other things too to basically live life again. I'm waiting for MRI results at the moment so I'm nervous about that but I still felt I wanted to make an effort to carry on. Then yet more went wrong last Sunday when my girlfriend decided to end things. Well not in so many words but I think it's over. Emotionally that's set me way back and now it's hard to even consider moving forwards. I know I have other things to live for but losing someone like this makes you feel so terribly lonely. I have a horrible feeling she's very sick herself, but she's cut me off completely so I cannot even ask.
It's all an emotional roller coaster. I need to be with people and have a good cry. I don't have that though and despite offers and suggestions of ways to meet people I cannot find any local groups where I could make friends. At least not that's suitable for a weirdo like me, and I am aware of all the options around. There is a possible option but I don't think it's really right for me. With the emotional state I'm in now though I can barely cope with getting out of bed, let alone making myself decent enough to go out and meet strangers.
It was only about a week or maybe 2 after brain surgery that I was out alone walking in the rain, catching buses and eating out in my own. That was last October and wasn't long after my kidney surgery too. I felt fine and was physically doing very well. Then things all went wrong, I ended up in hospital several times since then, I've had at least 4 ambulances called for me, I had more cancer appear and needed several different treatments involving 7 different hospitals.
Now I'm so lonely and can't do anything about it. Right now I'm just sitting at my parent's house in their conservatory looking outside thinking, wishing all the birds would be my friend and give me hugs and look after me.
I'm probably making a fool out of myself so I'll stop here. Thanks for listening to my waffling.
Geoff.
Hi Jane, thanks to you too for the friends request. I'm not sure why you're unable to send a private message, I've never done that on here before. I'll try to send you one after sending this and maybe you'll be able to reply to that. 
Geoff.
