Be mindful- not everyone gets to ring the bell

Hello CGxo 

A very moving post and yes a very valid point.

I was to undergo 20 fractions of Radiotherapy at my local hospital and at the start of my treatment someone rang the bell to signify the end of their treatment to lots of clapping. This left me with the question, do I ring the bell at the end of my treatment?

My initial thought was no - and indeed we had a debate on the Prostate forum regarding this. The general opinion was yes but some no don't.

It was mid January and as I took my seat in the waiting room I sat next to a gentleman whom I hadn't met before. Whilst we were chatting about Christmas someone rang the bell and we all clapped. We returned to our conversation and he asked me - "will you ring the bell at the end of your treatment" - my reply was no. There was a gap of about ten seconds and then he said to me "ring it for me at the end of your treatment as I never will, in fact I will never see another Christmas as my cancer is terminal and I have but a few months left".

At the end of my treatment - yes I rang the bell, and to this day I am glad I did - I ended up 10 seconds later, a grown man in tears in reception.

There is no right or wrong here - we all have a choice to make - I hope you understand my reasons.

Kind Regards - Brian.

Of course, it is such a happy and joyous time for those finishing treatment and seeing the end of their treatment journey and you deserve to celebrate that.

Hi CGxo 

I made the decision to ring the bell when my chemoradiation treatment ended, and I only did it to be able to show a little video to my daughters who lived too far away to visit me during treatment. I thought it might help them, so I didn’t do it for myself.

I used to think (pre cancer) that the bell was rung for being “cured”, but it only signifies the end of that particular round of treatment. My cancer returned 9 months later, and I would never use the words “cancer free” at any point, even now. Nor do my doctors. 

Would I ring the bell again? Absolutely not. I didn’t do it for myself, and felt very uncomfortable doing it at the time. I’d like to think I am mindful of others, even more so now, and would be if the situation ever arose again for me. For me it meant absolutely nothing and I’d never do it again.

I appreciate it’s a very personal thing, and while in the radiotherapy department I did join in the clapping on several occasions for others. But it’s not the end of cancer or further treatments for a lot of people-just the closing of one particular chapter.

Sarah xx

Thank you so much for explaining that to me. 

I know I did title this mentioning the bell, but I guess it is also a metaphor. Everyone's journey is different and it is important to recognise that in conversations. And I know that you do <3 

I'm very sorry to hear that your cancer returned, I hope that you are keeping as well as can be possible.

I am ok, thank you for asking but none of this is easy for any of us-either those with cancer or those watching from the sidelines. I just wanted to show another side to the bell ringing thing.

I think I always knew in the back of my mind my cancer would return, and so the bell ringing was meaningless for me in my own mind. I know other people want to celebrate, and I can understand that, even though it’s different for me. 

I am sorry you are having to go through this with your mum-there was no ringing of the bell for my mum, so I do empathise with how difficult this is for you with your own mum. 

Sarah xx 

I am sorry to hear your mum’s cancer is terminal. I have incurable cancer, but prefer to avoid the word terminal for now, as I (hope I) am not yet near the end. When I was last in treatment, I was ofter asked when my treatment would end, and tended to just say something neutral like I have a while to go yet. As it is, I did stop treatment because it went badly wrong for me. You are right, not all of us can get to ring the metaphorical bell, and I am hugely grateful my hospital hasn’t installed a real one. 

Two of my 3 sons have had cancer. One got to ring the (metaphorical) bell. The other did not.

Hi CGxo   I found your post very poignant. I too am going through a terminal diagonosis for womb cancer. I’m having chemo. My personal experience is that a lot of people in the Chemo ward want to keep themselves to themselves, I always say hello if someone passes me and smile. I have met 2 ladies in the ward who I keep in touch with. One is terminal one is not. We talk about our cancers and what we are experiencing and our little wins when we are having a bad day. A win could be anything from going for a walk or even as small as texting a friend on a bad day. No judgement or anyone saying  you will be alright  or  is that all you’ve done. We shared our emotions but most important we listen. I know it’s highly unlikely I’m going to ring the bell but I will be so happy if my new friends do. Dying is a very emotive subject  and something which I’ve spoken to family and friends about. It’s hard but I want them to know  how I feel. I so hope that you can talk with you mum about everything she is experiencing. People often don’t realise the effect that words can have. I hope your mum keeps a plodding as slow and ploddingbmeans we are still here,