Finding it hard to stay positive lately

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I’m usually a really positive person when it comes to my cancer journey, but this past week I’ve found it hard to be ‘me’ 

I'm putting on the face for family as I don’t want them worrying.

I’m almost done with my second lot of chemo and although we know it’s working (cancer markers are down to low) I guess I’m worried over more bad news. A little background I was diagnosed with rectal cancer in Dec 2023, had chemo/radiotherapy, then in August I got told it had spread to my lungs. Prognosis is good and my oncologist is aiming for cancer free. But still not what I was expecting. 

With scans and my oncologist visit looming I’m dreading her uttering words I don’t want to hear. Especially after last time feeling so positive, even though my heart is feeling positive. I just want to ignore all this cancer rubbish and pretend it never happened to me! 

I know I’ll be back to my old self soon, I guess I just need to unload to people other than my family and friends.

  • Hi  I just wanted to drop in past and send you a supportive ((hug))

    I have been on my incurable cancer journey with 2 very rare types of blood cancer for over 25 years….. and relapsed multiply times over my first 15 years with the longest remission being 9 months before I had to move into the next treatment…..

    It is easy and indeed natural for the head to go down from time to time…… in our house the family (wife and 2 daughters) had agreed a one day pity me party rule…… with tomorrow being a new day….. I do hope that tomorrow is a better day for you.

    Mike (Thehighlander)

    It always seems impossible until its done - Nelson Mandela

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  • Hello  

    I can only just add to what Mike (The Highlander) has said.

    It's a hard journey this cancer business, and we all have to dig deep and be strong - unless you have cancer - no one outside knows what it's like. so

    Tomorrow is a new day - and whatever it brings, you will always have your Macmillan Cancer family here for you, we all have had those "dark days".

    Your oncologist is aiming for you to be "cancer free" - that's a great phrase and any time you are "down" just go back to those two magic words.

    I know I’ll be back to my old self soon,

    I do hope that "soon" has arrived.

    Best wishes - Brian.

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  • Thank you for the kind words.

    I read your story and, you are a true inspiration. To go through so much and still remain fighting, I applaud you.

    I am slowly regaining 'Me' I've taken some time to build up my fighting spirit.

  • Thank you for the kind words. 

    I've taken some time to rest and reflect and like you say focus on those word 'Cancer free' 

    I'm trying to focus on a happy meeting with my oncologist and that it won't be a case of hearing 'it's spread' like last time. 

    And the thing is I know this treatment is working as at the start my cancer levels were registering at a 10 and by cycle 3 they we way down to 2.5. It's working and I know I need to focus on that!

    And thank you and Mike for being on hand for the boost.

  • Bless you, Bexoak.  It sounds as if you've gpt a lot to deal with and to be hopeful for and I hope this might help a little

    I've been living with my 'visitors' for 15 years, the last 9 terminal (whever that's supposed to mean).  My most important lesson was from Dale Carniegie's book, 'How to Stop Worrying and Start Living'.  He said, accept the worst possible outcome and work on improving it. What I discovered from that was resisting my illness is like playing one-armed bandits against myself.  It actually doubles the amount of energy and not helping at all.  In not putting energy into resisting by worrying my body's immune system has more energy to cope with my multiple tumours. Also my body knows more about healing (or even the doctors) than my mind so I need to keep it out of the way. 

    Acceptance has been the key, but that's not indifference. At 85 I'm naturaly slowing down though I'm leading a positive and active life. I don't know whether it's acceptable to say this but I've not long had a book published on what my doctors didn't tell me about cancer.  That's kept me busy and, strange at it seems, cancer-conscious free,  So I keep as active as possible, get involved with helping other people and get lots of support from my lovely family and friends.  There are many things that have helped me to survive without chemo for so long.  One has been my MEDS regimen: Mind, Exercise,Diet,Support.  We need help on many levels, not just the medical side.  May all that you need, be enabled within you and for you. XXX

  • Bless you too, GrandadH!

    That's one of the most uplifting posts I've read for a long time!

    I hope your book is really successful.

    xxx Candysmum

  • Thank you for these kind words.

    Without realising it MEDS is something I go by and in the past couple of weeks the one thing I haven’t. I slipped into the black hole if ‘what if’ and all consuming cancer nonsense! 

    Coming out the other end this week and working on those MEDS! 

    Thank you again and good luck with your book