First time I have ever done this sort of thing. I have been holding it all together for my wife and four grown up children since my wife was diagnosed with breast cancer last September. I was suffering at the time with sciatica and extreme pain but managed to get through it and within 5 days of diagnosis she had a mastectomy. We later found out she had inherited BRACA2 gene and this was something we had always feared in our 30 years of marriage as her mum, auntie and Nan had all had breast cancer. She then underwent a second mastectomy in Feb and reconstruction under an 11 operation at St George’s. It was horrific and she is so strong but really struggled. Her focus was to be well for our eldest sons wedding in May and she did amazing! I had injections for my sciatica during her recovery and my GP kept wanting to prescribe me a nerve block which I tried but didn’t like how it made me feel and I googled it and realised it was also an anti depressant. I was bought up of an era that we have to get on with things and I told my GP I am not depressed I can’t change what’s happening but don’t want to be in pain myself. My father died of lung cancer and we were with him at the end and having lost my mother in law as well to cancer, I feel it’s going to happen again at some point! I had one session of counselling with the hospice after my father died and realised that talking wouldn’t change what happened and i had to accept it and I couldn’t change things and move on. Anyway my wife has been amazing and is back on track, she still has to have a hysterectomy but our four children have been referred for counselling and our daughter has had the blood test and is awaiting results. I am quite anxious about this as the thought of her and her partner having to go through what my wife has been through fills me with dred,’despite everyone saying it’s about preventative and she would be offered IVF for screening and all sorts of other things. I know it sounds selfish but If I’m honest I feel a little redundant after doing everything for so long. My wife is so strong and hates the attention and just gets on with things so I have tried not to complain about my own pains as what I am going through is nothing by comparison but my routine life has changed in so many ways this last year.. I have recently had a discectomy operation on my spine and am now struggling a little with my own recovery. We have always been very sociable and I used my wife for a long time as an excuse and I really don’t feel very sociable and it’s not far on my wife but I don’t feel well enough to socialise again which is unfair on her. I need to know about my children and if my wife and I have given them the gene. How do I pull myself together and move on and try and get life back to ‘normal’?
Hi Johnjo and I see it's your first post on the community so a warm welcome.
A cancer diagnosis in the family can be such a challenging and stressful time but getting support from others who are dealing with the ‘exact same' support challenges can help you a lot.
Lets see if any Community members with first hand experience are looking in can help you out....... I am the one in our family who has the cancer so I am sort of on the other side of the road
As you may see the Community is actually divided into dedicated Support Groups (Discussion Rooms) and when it comes to the practical and emotional challenges of supporting your wife and indeed yourself you may benefit from joining and posting in our
……. support group where you will connect with a wide range of members navigating the exact same support challenges. You can copy and paste the text from this post into that group.
It is an emotional time supporting family so you might find this Macmillan information your feelings when someone has cancer helpful as well as this link getting help with your emotions.
You may find it helpful to call the Macmillan Support Line open 8am-8pm (timings may differ across services) 7 days a week on 0808 808 00 00. This service provides cancer information, practical information, emotional support or just a listening ear.
Talking to people face to face can be very helpful so do check to see if you have any Local Macmillan Support in your area, do also check for a local Maggie's Centre as these folks are amazing and support all the family.
All the very best.
