Hard to cope

Hi Gary1957 and I am sorry to hear about the challenges you are having. As a person who has lived with and been treated for an incurable cancer for over 25 years I truly understand the challenges from both sides…… but you would be best talking with other caregivers.

Let’s look for caregivers to pick up on your post, but you may find it helpful to join and put up the same post in our dedicated…….

     Carers only

……. support group where you will connect with a wide range of members navigating the exact same support challenges.

Cancer could really affect people on an emotional scale. It's best if you just be more understanding of her situation. I've been in your shoes before, I've been impatient, uncaring, to the point where she cries over my behavior, and now I regret arguing over anything with her, because she is now dead. Please just use your time you have with her in a loving way. 

Hi - I went through a very strong chemo regime from March to July this year. I was diagnosed with cancer at 31 and seeing yourself with no energy, going through dramatic physical changes and having your life turned upside down is very frustrating.

I live with my girlfriend and my parents came around 2 out of 3 weeks for 3 consecutive months, they rented an apartment near my place. They helped at home, cooking, cleaning, shopping... you name it. Many times I got annoyed at them, I was unpolite, I was impatient, I was basically rude many times. Then I was very much patient with my girlfriend, didn't give her grief, just took most of my frustrations with them. My dad though told me a few times that being sick was no excuse for being ungrateful and talking to them that way, that I was taking the piss a little bit. It made me realise how much of an emotional stress was for them and I honestly think that your inmediate family and partner endure way more suffering than the actual patient. I can be in a mood, annoyed, not wanting to talk... But they can't! They sort of have to be there for me, they have to smile if I smile, they can't argue with me.

Since they left, and although the outcome of the treatment has been good, I do have a lot of frustrations (fatigue, put on 15% or my weight due to steroids, anxiety) and I am taking it with my girlfriend every few days. I then go for a walk, exercise, think and have to apologise to her for my behaviour because I realise how much of an effort she is making to deal with me being an a** so many times. 

So these are my thoughts from a patient perspective. Some chemo regimes can impact your behaviour, cognitive status, etc. unfortunately you need a lot of patience but also I wouldn't be scared to say a few true words and let her know that you are suffering a lot and need her to be kind to you too. 

My parents and girlfriend (I insist with them cause I only saw them for 3-4 months as I had to isolate from social stuff) said that me being on chemo and me being on a rest week was like day and night. I transitioned from being the nicest person with the best conversation on a Saturday to being a total d*** on a Monday after coming from hospital.  

*** I should also add, sexual and romatic life changed a lot since diagnosis and throughout treatment, and that can also impact a lot. I wasn't conscious at the time but have realised as time passed.

This can be so heartbreaking and frustrating at the same time…will it be weird if I say I miss having cancer?…because before I was cancer free , my husband had time for me and treated me special but now that I am getting better, he hardly comes home and I also found out that he was seeing someone..and I captured them in the act PS Cybrspace . co