Blind panic to process of acceptance?

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I am in the nightmarish stage of waiting for treatment to start. After thinking I was starting chemo today I have another 2 week wait for a possible biopsy to determine which treatment to achieve "disease control". Destabilising is an understatement. I am a mess.

Can anyone say how they felt once treatment got started. Did the dark panic recede? Do things start to feel more "normal"? How do you adjust?

I guess I'm looking for advice on reaching a form of acceptance instead of living in blind panic.

  • Hi  and welcome to the Online Community but so sorry to hear about your diagnosis.

    Navigating the cancer journey can be such a stressful and challenging time. I have been on my incurable rare blood cancer journey for over 24 years.... so from my experience once treatment started the noise between the ears will calm down.

    You would say the getting support from others who are dealing with the ‘exact same' cancer type can help a lot.

    You don’t say what type of cancer you have but if you care to have a look through THIS LIST you will find all our many dedicated cancer support groups listed.

    These groups are safe places to talk to others who may have a similar diagnosis, treatment experience, to ask questions and get support from members who are navigating the same journey.

    Have a look through the list I have given you above and once you find the group for your cancer type you can join the group by selecting “Click to Join” when the black banner appears or “Join” under “Group Tools” (this all depends on the device you are using)

    You can then put up your own post when you’re ready by clicking “+new” or “+” in the top right next to the group title. You can copy and paste the text from this post into your new post.

    Mike (Thehighlander)

    It always seems impossible until its done - Nelson Mandela

    Community Champion Badge

    • Hi Lotus 123, 
    • I have just come across your post and it so reminded me of my journey beginnings. Appointments being cancelled, changes being made at the last minute. All of this makes it so much harder to even think there will ever be an end to all of this. It is hard and we all deal with it in different ways. For me, it was easier to 'not accept' that they were actually talking about me. This journey is hard  for all concerned.  The last thing I wanted was 'C' to take over every conversation I had. We all seem to stay in a dark panic, wanting things to move quicker than they do. When my treatment l started I was terrified. The unknown is a  very scary place. But, somehow we manage to get through it all. Something kicks in and we cope. The panic and fear become normal and we adjust.  Once you start your treatment I know the 'fight instinct ' will kick in. You will be fine. You will cope even though right now it seems an impossibility. This forum is a  God send. Read as many posts as youcan, lash out when your angry and scream for help when feeling down, SOMEONE will ALWAYS answer. This is a family like no other family. You never need to explain, we all feel what your feeling now. t does become normal and that sheer panic does lift we just don't see it. Stay strong , smile and sparkle. Good luck on your journey and always remember , YOU ARE NOT ALONE Heart️ 
  • It does make a difference when treatment starts. Something is actually being done to tackle the cancer! Adjustment is gradual. Every stage of having this disease - diagnosis, treatment, remission - requires a degree of adjustment. Dont be too hard on yourself, give yourself time and space. From personal experience, I would say that acceptance is possible but even then things come along that throw us into blind panic/terror. The trick is to let the panic/terror find its own level (you simply cannot sustain such an intense emotion) and things find a new kind of equilibrium. 

  • Thank you so much. In all my distress I forgot what email address I used to register and ended up registering again as Lotus 321 and started a new thread. I had my first treatment today and after getting lockjaw for about an hour, which I learnt on here is not uncommon, came home with a bag of tablets as this first round of treatment is with pills. I just swallowed my first 3 al9ng with the antisickness tablet after forcing diwn some food. After this round will have a picc line. I am so very grateful for your reply

  • Hi there, please see above for my explanation as to why I disappeared 


  • You will be fine hunni. I'm so glad your treatment has now started. Do all the things you want to do, scream, cry, be difficult if that's what you want. This journey is not easy for anyone but sadly some of us have to take it. Someone is always here to answer you when and if needed.  Stay strong, smile and sparkle Sparkles️  Good luck xx

  • I hope so, thank you. its all the dealing with the unknown. I was almost too scared to sleep last night but did manage it in the end, in snatches. Having no appetite and needing to swallow pills with food is today's challenge

  • It is true that now the treatment has started I do not feel quite as panicked as before. But it's very hard to stop the mind from racing

  • It's all about adjusting to each new thing. You will be probably be unsettled when treatment ends (this is very common) and every time you have a review of scans and tumour markers. You kind of get used to it but l won't kid you, it is tough (it's like the cross we have to bear). There is some solace in knowing you are not alone, we are here xxx

  • Sorry your having these problems. It does get easier. Try asking oncologist or your GP for some Fortisip compact. If you have no appetite these give you the nutrients your body needs. I still use them even now. Along with Cyclizine to help with sickness. Eat whatever you feel like eating and if you have to, put it in mixer so it's not solid food. Your body and mind will get used to all the new challenges. You will cope hunni, honestly.  In a few weeks time you'll be posting that it wasn't as bad as you imagined.  Everyone is here for you, if needed. Stay strong, smile and sparkle xx