Books that make you 'feel better about death'?

Hello SunBunny and a warm welcome to the Macmillan online Community.

I can fully understand your thought process and agree with you at the start of a cancer journey - the waiting for appointments and a diagnosis is the most stressful time of your life. Trust me it gets better and with a positive attitude to life you will get back to normal.

My personal advice for you at this very important time is to get on with your normal life. Give "Dr Google" a miss and for any information just go to reliable sources, This site and the various forums is great for that because you are dealing with people like me -  "we've been there - got the T-Shirt" and depending what you are having tests for there will be people who have walked that walk.

As you are going through the "why me" stage at the moment - how about seeking a little extra help. Can I suggest:

* Anxiety UK - practical advice on stress relief - 0344 477 5774 (Text 07537 416 905) or support@anxiety.org.uk or www.anxiety.org.uk

* "Maggie's" this is a cancer support charity with branches around the UK - 0300 123 1801 or enquiries@maggiescentres.org or www.maggiescentres.org

* Our own helpline 0n 0808 808 00 00. There are some cracking people there who can offer great practical help and advice.

Just take a small step and help yourself to some advice and between us we can get you through this cancer journey.

I hope this helps and if I can do anything else for you do let me know.

Best wishes - Brian.

Hi SunBunny 

I agree with Millibob, it's early stages yet to be getting used to the idea of death. However, I have found that reading helped me. I would wait until you have a definite diagnosis and only then would I recommend F**ck Cancer by Deborah James as a starting point. I've just read these words on another post this morning - worrying won't change the outcome, it only steals the joy of today. I wish you all the best for your tests and results.

A x

I don't think it is ever too early to try and get used to the idea of death. I have realised that the danger and fear of death is a very unhealthy state to be in - especially so as one gets closer to the end - either via age or a terminal illness/disease (or both).

Worrying is pretty much all I can do, worrying and constantly looking things up online. One of the worst things about it is knowing that you cannot really trust the NHS and also those waiting times and often blasé attitudes.

The internet is full of 'if only they had caught it sooner' stories :-( Already the 5 days I have been waiting even just for 'going through the motions' blood tests have seemed like forever. 

Hello SunBunny 

I understand your thought process but there are millions of people before you who have gone through all the test, diagnosis and treatment stages of cancer. Yes it's a waiting game but:

* Please don't knock the NHS - you haven't encountered any issues with them yet - these are the people who saved my life 2 years ago!! There are waiting times and it's a hard job but I have never come across anyone with a blase attitude and I have been in the system over 2 years - it's worked for me - please read my profile.

* As I said in my original post - ignore Dr Google - use trusted sources. How many of those "if only they had caught it sooner" left it too late before reporting symptoms - it's easy to gripe from behind a keyboard - have they complained - no I don't think so.

There is help out there for your worries - I have given you 3 options - all free - all very good. Why not take my advice and get some help from a reliable source.

Trust me - I have "been there - got the t-shirt" - you are in good hands.

Keep us posted as to how you progress.

Best wishes - Brian.

Hi SunBunny 

I suspect too much googling is maybe causing overthinking. I agree with millibob, the NHS do a great job under a lot of pressure. I am only here today because the NHS extended my life. Please read my profile, it may give you some perspective.

A x

In the Midst of Life - Jennifer Worth
With the End in Mind: Dying, Death and Wisdom in an Age of Denial - Kathryn Mannix
The Emperor of All Maladies - Siddhartha Mukherjee (I've not read this one.  I tried the sample on Amazon, but didn't buy the book.  I was just desperate to find out what happened to the poor lady in chapter 1 and it kept jumping around!   Others recommended it to me.  Started but not finished. )

There's a couple more, but they're on my kindle and the bookshelf so not to hand.  

I did this too at the beginning.  But I've not felt the need to explore the topic further for a year now.  

Oxford Guide to CBT for People with Cancer - Stirling Moorey, Steven Greer.  It's really for practitioners but interesting.

Do No Harm - Henry Marsh (a brain surgeon's reflections on Life)  Really liked this one!

On death and dying - Elisabeth Kubler-Ross.  Not read this one.  It was referenced in the Kathryn Mannix book a lot which was why I bought it.  

Hi Sunbunny. I'm having my CT on Sunday, so I think I'm about where you were when you wrote this post.

I was in counselling for a few years, and one of the things I covered was my fear of death. My Councillor recommended "Staring at the Sun" by Irvin D. Yallom. I found it really profound, and had several good, cathartic cries while reading it (and this was before I had any idea about Cancer). The first half is probably more salient for your (our) situation, the second half is more for therapists treating patients with a fear of death, though there might be some stuff there that helps you too.

As others have said (and have said to me) this is a really scary time. Hopefully with some answers in the near future we can both move forward with some positivity come what may.

All the best,

Rich