I honestly don't know why I'm posting, I am trying to make sense of everything right now.
My mother passed 4 years ago from lung cancer which had spread- we didn't get much time to process this as it was a quick illness.
It's been a hard 4 years, I'm still struggling to deal with the loss, my mum was my best friend and she has missed out on so many massive life events since she passed.
Since her passing, my father has not been in the best health for many years and since my mother's passing he stopped looking after himself, has mentally declined that he now has a psychiatrist and just seems to have given up on himself.
Soon after, he has began putting all his possessions Into place for when he passes, which I took as a normal shock action after losing a partner, he also put a large donation in his will to MacMillan and also Marie Curie for their help with my mum during her time.
The talk of his passing is a regular discussion whether I like it or not, making comments about how he won't be here for long etc and I always dismiss this.
But last week, he told me he hasn't been well, he won't come out and tell me exactly why but, we have all seen he has lost a tremendous amount of weight, he is less than half the size he was, and confided he has been having many stomach problems- but he refuses to go see a doctor but had told mme his stomach issues had been going on for a long time.
He wishes to just ride it out, no help from doctors but has said he won't be here in a couple of years.
I don't know what to do, I'm lost, I'm stressed, I'm ill thinking he is sick and not trying to find a way to fix it and most of all Hurt he would want to leave us without trying anything.
He seems dead against looking for help and he is in pain mentally and physically and has just given up - has anyone experienced this and know how to handle this, how to approach this and somehow change his mind.
Hi Fifigrant and welcome to the Macmillan Community but so sorry to hear about the lose if your mum and the challenges you are having supporting your dad..
This can be such a challenging and stressful time but getting support from others who are dealing with the ‘exact same' support challenges can help a lot.
As you see the Community is divided into dedicated Support Groups (Discussion Rooms) and when it comes to the practical and emotional challenges of supporting your dad you may benefit from looking at our:
Supporting someone with incurable cancer
support groups where you will connect with others navigating the exact same support challenges.
To connect with a group click on the “Bold Italic Links” I have created above then once the group page opens click on “Click to Join” when the black banner appears or “Join” under “Group Tools” (this all depends on the device you are using)
You can then put up your own post when you’re ready by clicking “+new” or “+” in the top right next to the group title. You can copy and paste the text from this post into your new post.
It is an emotional time supporting family so you might find this Macmillan information your feelings when someone has cancer helpful as well as this link getting help with your emotions.
It’s a challenging time for you so you may want to use the Macmillan Support Line is open 8am-8pm (timings may differ across services) 7 days a week on 0808 808 00 00. This service provides practical information, emotional support or just a listening ear.
We also have our Ask an Expert section but do allow a few working days for a reply.
Talking to people face to face can be very helpful so do check to see if you have any Local Macmillan Support in your area, do also check for a local Maggie's Centre as these folks are amazing and support all the family.
I have given you a lot of channels to get supporter, but do get back to me if you need further help navigating the community.
