Where do I start? I’m a 54 year old lady with stage 4 breast cancer with mets in the bone.
Diagnosed in July 2020 after finding breast changes. Mastectomy and lymph node removal in Aug 2020. All lymph nodes came back with cancer. had a staging CT scan Sept 2020 then told in Oct 2020 it had spread to my bones.
I’m taking Palcaciplib and Letrosole.
The first year was hard for me, my Husband and family. I went through every emotion known to man, and can imagine I wasn’t the best person to live with at times.
there were a couple of family bereavements also within this time. Which added to the emotional turmoil I was having. I did speak to a counsellor but mainly spoke about everyone else and how this cancer was affecting them rather than me. I know the cancer is what I’ve got but it reaches way further than the person who has it.
The second year I decided to pull on my big girl pants and (get on with it) anyone who asked me how I was would be replied with ( oh I’m fine. Just a bit tired that’s all) and this has continued.
The third year, although still spouting my usual reply and basically protecting everyone as much as I could from what was really going on in my head. Time is ticking on. Every 6monthly CT scan results are getting more and more scary.
I feel like a ticking time bomb just waiting to go off at any minute.
My Husband has had it worse as I feel I’ve changed I have become a person I don’t always recognise and don’t like. I take my frustration out on him by picking on him when ever I get the chance. How ever the last 6months I have noticed he is getting fed up with my behaviour.
4weeks ago I found out totally by accident that he was having an affair. That’s when my world came crashing down around me. He ended the affair and we are trying to sort things out. So on top of dealing with cancer I now have all the devastating emotions to deal with regarding the affair.
I can’t sleep I can’t eat and my self esteem is rock bottom, not that it was great before. Having one breast does that to you. Him having an affair with a woman who has 2 just makes me feel repulsive.
the woman concerned also knew I had cancer and still went ahead and slept with him.
How can we move on from this.? How can I forgive? Ending the relationship which trust me I’ve thought about, will be a last resort. I know I can’t do this cancer journey without him. I’ve got nothing left in the tank. I’m just not strong enough.
Hello Little Bird
I have just read your post twice and feel for you - first of all you try and do the right thing and then it all goes wrong and now you are here.
First and foremost I admire your courage in putting pen to paper (finger to keypad these days) and that's a great sign, so let's see what we can do to help.
* You have breast cancer - the online Community is divided up into forums or chat rooms I would suggest you join the Breast cancer forum where you can connect with people on a similar journey. To do this just click on the link I have provided and when the page opens up just click join on the black banner at the bottom of the page. You can then introduce yourself. Copy and post your post or write a new one - you will have plenty of replies from people on a similar journey.
* Do you have a local "Maggie's" centre. they are a support charity for cancer patients and are great, you can pop in chat about your worries and they will be very supportive. You can find your local Maggie's - 0300 123 1801 or enquiries@maggiescentres.org or www.maggiescentres.org.
* There's Relate - the UK's largest provided of relationship support - www.relate.org.uk
* There's also the boys and girls on our support line on 0808 808 00 00 (8am to 8pm 7 days a week). They will be able to point you in the direction of extra support with both your cancer, counselling and general help and advice.
You have taken the first step by posting on the chat forum and I hope the above suggestions will lead you into that little bit of extra support you deserve - you have been through so much - it's time to think of yourself.
If I can do anything else for you please don't hesitate to cone back to me - I hope you can find your feet and things work out for you.
Best wishes - Brian.
Macmillan Support Line - 0808 808 00 00, 7 days a week between 8am-8pm
Strength, Courage, Faith, Hope, Defiance, VICTORY.
I am a Macmillan volunteer.
