Post treatment insecurities and emotions

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Hi everyone. I was diagnosed with colorectal cancer in March this year at 31 years old. They found a 5cm tumor which luckily had not spread anywhere else in my body. I had surgery to remove a good bit of my colon and then went through 4 rounds of adjuvant chemotherapy which ended on the 4th of October. I just had a recent CT scan that came up clear which is great news and I am feeling very relieved by the entire situation. I am very lucky that I don’t seem to have any long lasting physical side effects. My problem is that my emotions feel as if they have been all over the place recently. More so than even when I was diagnosed/ going through treatment. I have been feeling very insecure, doubting my relationship with friends and my partner. I have recently returned to work (started a new job) after 4 months out of the office and have been struggling with a lack of confidence and with so much self doubt around my capabilities. My mind has been very unsettled, not knowing what I want to do with my life- move closer to home or move to a different country. Break up with my partner or take our relationship to the next level. Quit my job and find another less stressful career or continue to work through the “new starter” awkwardness. I am so conflicted in every decision that I make and have been fluctuating feeling so emotional (sad, angry, frustrated) for seemingly no reason. This is all very much not typical for me and my reactions feel very illogical, yet I can’t seem to stop them. Has anyone else felt this way? I feel so lucky to have had such a positive outcome following my diagnosis/ treatment and have had such amazing, supportive people in my life throughout this journey. Therefore I am really struggling to understand my recent emotions/ feelings. I am not depressed and generally am in a good headspace, but I move through very strong waves of these other emotions without much reason and feel as if they are occurring fairly frequently. Thanks in advance for anyone who takes the time to read and respond.

  • Hi  I see it’s your first post on the community so a warm welcome.

    As you wait for reply’s could I suggest that you also join our dedicated Life after Cancer support group and copy and paste this into a new thread in that group as this is a good place where people unpack their post treatment thoughts about living the post treatment life.

    Mike (Thehighlander)

    It always seems impossible until its done - Nelson Mandela

    Community Champion Badge

  • Thank you! I will have a look

  • Hello Tjo  great news that your latest CT scan came up clear and you have been lucky regarding physical side effects, but Tjo i don't know anyone  on the macmillan community who hasn't had emotional side effects. You have just been through a very demanding emotional time, not long off chemotherapy and like many people diagnosed with cancer couldn't be sure where your journey was taking you at times. Your emotions are nothing unusual considering what you have been through, you need time, I saw a therapist, advised by my macmillan nurse  and i was dubious at first, but turned out to be the right decision for me. why not take a little time regarding decision making, the real you is in there somewhere maybe he just needs a little time, take care, Eddie